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Exit Exile

whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
edited April 2007 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Yes I was a bit of a drama queen when i was younger..but the day Pearl Jam "saved my life" ( we'll just say that cause the story's too long), this was my suicide note to my family.. It's a bit twisted, but written sooo well!!

Crazy many a day I may have seemed. Lonely and quiet have I lived. A Silent Element was the death of the wounded child; Insanity, a gift to the peices of me that survived. I've slept on pillows that held prayers of death, starved my body, so it would match my soul; never telling a single one of you why.
The next time anyone of you hold the hand of the one you love, see me, feel my rage, my anger, my need. Feel this dire need for everything you've been GIVEN in life, that my penance would never allow. Make this an open casket, and lie me to rest stripped of wordly clothes, so that my scars will tell my story. Let them speak of days left alone, forgotten, unwanted, used, abused, and then discarded. Let them tell you all how the only kisses my skin has ever known have come from the blades of a razor.These,are forever my release,to the very minutes of my death.

"Blood", "Death", "Release", "73'", "Hell 2 Pay", "To live and die alone", and the countless scars that simply cover my body for I'd run out of words to claim the bounties of my flesh. THESE, these are my passions of pain. Scars,
eveidence that I had to make sense of my need to die. Your Psychologists would never haved saved me, nor any of your words; you'd have loved me if I was normal. But I never was..So neither did I ever learn to love myself..
Nowhere to go, no one to tell, to seek out, no one to trust, no hand to hold, no place to call home; no sanctuary for the likes of me.

And everythign I ever loved, that loved me back, has been stolen from me..And the ones I was the closest to you made me give away.. you stole my peace, made me give away my comfort, and left me all alone.. just like that bitch did!! (that was my mother at that time)Well fuck that, this time when I say I'm going, I am, and there's no return from where I'm going.. why not??? Hell can't POSSIBLY be worse than here.. Like I said bury me naked so you can live with this pain too, for I cannot bear it alone..
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • BrainofdzBrainofdz Posts: 1,617
    very powerfull sweetie

    I'm glad your here to recount this letter
    "Stunned by my own reflection, It's looking back, sees me too clearly and I swore I'd never go there again, Not unlike a friend that politely drags you down,down,down"

    When you see me on the street, yell out "FAVO!!!"

    I've been to alot of Pearl Jam shows;So fucking what.
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    so... what made you change your mind?
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    what made me change my mind was the music.. it was just so sad and so how I felt at the time.. like I said.. Pearl Jam sorta saved me..lol as lame as that may sound.. but I stopped what I was doing just to hear it..And I'm hoping you were'nt being rude..:-)
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    whispering hands wrote:
    what made me change my mind was the music.. it was just so sad and so how I felt at the time.. like I said.. Pearl Jam sorta saved me..lol as lame as that may sound.. but I stopped what I was doing just to hear it..And I'm hoping you were'nt being rude..:-)

    no, i wasn't being rude. for me it's my children, not pearl jam. :)
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    ya can never tell online.. there's no inflection to a bunch of typed words.. he he :-D as for kids I only have furry children..but I love children, just hate men too much to have any kids of my own..well i don't really HATE men.. let's just say I hate the process!!lol thanks for clarifying..:-)
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    i turn down the volume to PJ on my speakers, down to pure silence so i may
    think totaly on this comment..what a deep feeling of sadness this can bring..
    what painful experiences some of us have lived or live..i to have bad days, im
    afraid even my worst of days isnt this bad..its a well written, excellent piece
    of talent ive just read..i hope things are much better now..
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    you turned down PJ just to read this???? that actually blows my mind.. if'n ya really want the full experience.. Listen to "Release"whilst you read it.. for that was the song that made me vomit up the barrel of a colt 45. And yes things are MUCH MUCH better now.. my mother had to survive three Diabetic comas to accomplish no longer being a drug-addicted bitch.. but she is a kind and gentle human being now.. as my sister and I are further learning to be.. so things are by far better than they ever were then..and thanks for asking..now... NEVER TURN DOWN PJ AGAIN!!! jk :-)
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    she lost her memory.. anythign farther back than the last four years is GONE!!
    So maybe she just forgot she was a Heroin addict!!! he he I can hope!!
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