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watercolour

PerceptualPerceptual Posts: 200
edited February 2007 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
night frowns in the background of a painted home town
a cloud playing advocate to a toneless sound
and cracking apart, no light to be found
no surge of power from heaven to ground

shown the way
i save the life
pictures I paint
preserve the time

light drowns in a chorus of howling rain, my thunder town
a cloud playing advocate to a homeless crowd
and cracking apart, no life to be found
no surge of power from heaven to ground

shown the way
nice day to die
pictures I paint
preserve the time
"this one, anytime I say love if you wanna say love, uh, say it, and if you say it you might as well say it loud, and if you don't feel like sayin' it, don't say it, but if you feel it, certainly say it..."

NOTE: Everything I write in the P,P&M section are intended to be songs, not poetry.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • PerceptualPerceptual Posts: 200
    is it really that bad? I liked it...
    "this one, anytime I say love if you wanna say love, uh, say it, and if you say it you might as well say it loud, and if you don't feel like sayin' it, don't say it, but if you feel it, certainly say it..."

    NOTE: Everything I write in the P,P&M section are intended to be songs, not poetry.
  • moreandmoremoreandmore Posts: 164
    keep the words "heaven to ground" and scrap the rest


    all this says is that you're writing about one image
    this poem self-glorifies your authorship than it does the scene

    oh, and wtf is a toneless sound? is that like one hand wanking in the forest?

    er... i mean clapping.... one hand clapping...
  • pj10alive42pj10alive42 Posts: 381
    moreandmore wrote:
    keep the words "heaven to ground" and scrap the rest


    all this says is that you're writing about one image
    this poem self-glorifies your authorship than it does the scene

    oh, and wtf is a toneless sound? is that like one hand wanking in the forest?

    er... i mean clapping.... one hand clapping...

    Don't be a d*ck, I thought it was really good
    I'm trying to drink away the part of the day I cannot sleep away...
  • PerceptualPerceptual Posts: 200
    heaven to ground







    heaven to ground



    Seems kinda thin.
    Go fornicate yourself with a sharp stick, m&m.

    And there is no such word as authorship.
    "this one, anytime I say love if you wanna say love, uh, say it, and if you say it you might as well say it loud, and if you don't feel like sayin' it, don't say it, but if you feel it, certainly say it..."

    NOTE: Everything I write in the P,P&M section are intended to be songs, not poetry.
  • BrainofdzBrainofdz Posts: 1,617
    Good shit man

    Fuck More and More. Anyone that would waste their time on an amateur writers site being critical is an obvious asshole
    "Stunned by my own reflection, It's looking back, sees me too clearly and I swore I'd never go there again, Not unlike a friend that politely drags you down,down,down"

    When you see me on the street, yell out "FAVO!!!"

    I've been to alot of Pearl Jam shows;So fucking what.
  • moreandmoremoreandmore Posts: 164
    Perceptual wrote:
    heaven to ground







    heaven to ground



    Seems kinda thin.
    Go fornicate yourself with a sharp stick, m&m.

    And there is no such word as authorship.

    I meant, re-write it. Keep the thought of heaven to ground and re-write the rest. The cloud plays advocate to a few things, but on behalf of which or on behalf of whom? Certainly not GOD, because there's no surge of light from heaven to ground!?! All I'm saying is that this piece doesn't SAY anything. Except for the fact that someone is writing about lightening. Make it say something other than the fact that YOU are RECORDING a visual in writing, and you're GOD in doing so. How arrogant is that? I mean, the mere fact that this piece exists glorifies your authorship. Why be redundant?

    And why kcuf myself with a sharp stick? That cavity's obviously already got a stick in it... hence my obvious assholeship.
  • PerceptualPerceptual Posts: 200
    You totally didn't get this.

    You are now banned from replying to my songs. I don't want to hear from you ever again.

    And authorship still isn't a word.
    "this one, anytime I say love if you wanna say love, uh, say it, and if you say it you might as well say it loud, and if you don't feel like sayin' it, don't say it, but if you feel it, certainly say it..."

    NOTE: Everything I write in the P,P&M section are intended to be songs, not poetry.
  • moreandmoremoreandmore Posts: 164
    how could i have gotten it not knowing it's a song?
    i thought it was a poem!

    lol...



    you can't ban my authorship of replies, anyway, so there :P
  • PerceptualPerceptual Posts: 200
    Okay, to be honest, I actually only wrote this song in about a minute and thirty seconds. (literally) It took me longer to write down then to think up. That, however, doesn't change the fact that this is exactly how it's supposed to go. It's about one thing... if I dribbled on with too much imagery, you wouldn't know it's about one thing and one thing only.
    Unfortunately, m&m, you'll never know what that one thing is.
    "this one, anytime I say love if you wanna say love, uh, say it, and if you say it you might as well say it loud, and if you don't feel like sayin' it, don't say it, but if you feel it, certainly say it..."

    NOTE: Everything I write in the P,P&M section are intended to be songs, not poetry.
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