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For Holden

TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
edited July 2008 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
As I write this, I am watching you splash around in the plastic pool Grandma bought for you before you turned one. I can still see you the first time I put you in it.
Back then it was little toy rings and blocks. Now you have a whole fleet of pirates at war in there.
As I watch you, it hits me that soon we won't be spending everyday together and I can feel my heart breaking. I know that is not possible, to have my heart break, but this has to be the closest one can get to feeling it actually breaking.
I could never imagine someone bringing me the joy and laughter that you have. I never imagined I could give so selflessly, love so unconditionally.
Your heart is so big, your mind so curious and your love neverending.
I don't know of anyone who would cast their own tears aside to wipe someone else's, but you do. And you only 3 and a half years old.
I can already feel the emptiness.
I love you, my little angel.
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    TrixieCat wrote:
    As I write this, I am watching you splash around in the plastic pool Grandma bought for you before you turned one. I can still see you the first time I put you in it.
    Back then it was little toy rings and blocks. Now you have a whole fleet of pirates at war in there.
    As I watch you, it hits me that soon we won't be spending everyday together and I can feel my heart breaking. I know that is not possible, to have my heart break, but this has to be the closest one can get to feeling it actually breaking.
    I could never imagine someone bringing me the joy and laughter that you have. I never imagined I could give so selflessly, love so unconditionally.
    Your heart is so big, your mind so curious and your love neverending.
    I don't know of anyone who would cast their own tears aside to wipe someone else's, but you do. And you only 3 and a half years old.
    I can already feel the emptiness.
    I love you, my little angel.
    Lovely Trix.

    My little one starts school in September. I think I know how you feel. One child or four, it's never easy to let go.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • small town becksmall town beck Posts: 6,691
    Beautiful, Trix :)
  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    This brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful, TC! Very bittersweet.
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    thank you for the kind words
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    TrixieCat wrote:
    thank you for the kind words

    You should save a collection of your writings to him...if you're not already...and give them to him as a gift when he's grown. My mom did that for me when I turned 21...I bawled my eyes out.
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    AmentsChick wrote:
    You should save a collection of your writings to him...if you're not already...and give them to him as a gift when he's grown. My mom did that for me when I turned 21...I bawled my eyes out.
    I do.
    :)
    I also have a pile of letters I wrote to him when I was carrying him.
    All my fears, hopes and dreams for him.
    He is far more than anything I could ever have hoped for.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • memememe Posts: 4,695
    TrixieCat wrote:
    I don't know of anyone who would cast their own tears aside to wipe someone else's, but you do.

    Yesterday I told my 8 year old son over the phone (we are separated by an ocean for 9 days) that I had to make a phone call that was very troubling because I need something from someone and I was afraid they would say no. Tonight we go through some small talk and then he gives me my husband. A couple of minutes later I hear him clamoring to talk to me again. He says "that phone call... did they say yes or no?"

    I am so amazed by these kids' ability to care and show love :)
    Enjoy him now, and enjoy his growing independence. It won't diminish the love he has for you. Not one bit.
    ... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    TrixieCat wrote:
    I do.
    :)
    I also have a pile of letters I wrote to him when I was carrying him.
    All my fears, hopes and dreams for him.
    He is far more than anything I could ever have hoped for.

    From everything you've told me...he sounds like an amazing boy!
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    meme wrote:
    Yesterday I told my 8 year old son over the phone (we are separated by an ocean for 9 days) that I had to make a phone call that was very troubling because I need something from someone and I was afraid they would say no. Tonight we go through some small talk and then he gives me my husband. A couple of minutes later I hear him clamoring to talk to me again. He says "that phone call... did they say yes or no?"

    I am so amazed by these kids' ability to care and show love :)
    Enjoy him now, and enjoy his growing independence. It won't diminish the love he has for you. Not one bit.
    What an awesome story...
    I think raising a boy in this day and age (well either sex) is so difficult. But trying to raise a boy that has a good self image, is respectful, kind and caring is difficult...they are not naturally a nurturing bunch.
    We were both crying this morning and he stopped when he saw me crying and came over and wiped my tears and went running off for a tissue. He did this after the car accident too...he always does it. He puts others before himself.
    It is an awesome responsibility to raise a child...I don't want to just "hope for the best" I want to encourage him to BE the best. That he can be.
    He is sleeping now...curled up on the couch...chin resting in hand...peaceful, like an angel.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • my2handsmy2hands Posts: 17,117
    TrixieCat wrote:
    As I write this, I am watching you splash around in the plastic pool Grandma bought for you before you turned one. I can still see you the first time I put you in it.
    Back then it was little toy rings and blocks. Now you have a whole fleet of pirates at war in there.
    As I watch you, it hits me that soon we won't be spending everyday together and I can feel my heart breaking. I know that is not possible, to have my heart break, but this has to be the closest one can get to feeling it actually breaking.
    I could never imagine someone bringing me the joy and laughter that you have. I never imagined I could give so selflessly, love so unconditionally.
    Your heart is so big, your mind so curious and your love neverending.
    I don't know of anyone who would cast their own tears aside to wipe someone else's, but you do. And you only 3 and a half years old.
    I can already feel the emptiness.
    I love you, my little angel.

    this is beautiful Tracey, just like the both of you :D
  • Dylan StoneDylan Stone Posts: 1,145
    I awoke at 7 am and went out and filled up the little plastic pool

    We've played in it much of the morning

    My little man and i...

    then i jumped on here and came upon this

    the summer is ending...

    i will soon be going back to work ft after 2.5 years of spending every day with my dylan...

    *cries*




    LOVE





    I am lucky and so are you TrixieCat

    Thanks for sharing and doing it so beautifully. :)
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