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not quite done yet... but

moreandmoremoreandmore Posts: 164
edited December 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
the wind comes without intent
to rape the flowers, regardless
blowing hard, they twist and bow
powerless to change the weather

the wind shows its merciless
unable to the secret keep
the clash of hot on cold
of high on low. it can't but blow

the flowers' clothes are half torn off
battered in the blow's onslaught
that ended half an hour ago
exhausted, lie down in the snow

the sky will come to quiet them
stamens, pistles frizzled, swollen
in the sky clouds light - fluffy
moving freely - simple, honest

blanket the flowers, air and thought
underwhich from the wind's rasp
they warm and heal, protected
bless-ed
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    It's really coming on! I'm wondering what would happen, if you left out some of the definite articles, and a few of the adjectives: you'd then have to find more descriptive verbs, and seeing as this is a poem with a lot of action, you'd only enrich it further.

    I like. :)
  • moreandmoremoreandmore Posts: 164
    definite articles are the "its" aren't they?
    the "its" and the "the's"???




    thank you! :)
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    The. :)
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    How's this one going? :)
  • deadnotedeadnote Posts: 1,678
    great stuff
    set your laughter free

    dreamer in my dream

    we got the guns

    i love you,but im..............callin out.........callin out
  • moreandmoremoreandmore Posts: 164
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    How's this one going? :)

    i've been on the telephone for 8 days now, talking to a man i've yet to meet. he's left me no time to get on with editing. just stoking the stove, as it were.

    someday I am going to settle to the business of finishing something, lol... someday. i keep thinking that'll be the day i die. afterwhich, my children might publish all this unfinished schtuff i've been writing... and maybe someone will buy it... yeeshe...

    I do want to get back to this piece though. I want to make something nice for the E-zine.


    thank you for checking in :)
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