I'll have to remember...

moreandmore

I've read it's a gift
that when a person
who fails you, leaves you
To the lonely dogs
and the hungry sharks
and the horney toads.
To the unheld shores
and to our worst imaginations.

I'll have to remember
that when a person
who can't love you
(for whatever reason),
can't respect you
unless they walk away.

I will remember, how honest I was
how honor-bound to lift them up
and how respectful. And I will
remember to show my new love
what I felt for you, times two.

Fucker

justam

This is pretty good, but I wonder why people feel stronger when they're angry? Do you think it's a survival thing?

FinsburyParkCarrots

In my case, it's an Irish thing. :cool:

I like this poem, moreandmore. I note that you're writing in a style that's syntagmatic - it communicates in a syntactical, prose like way - but you use verse typography and a musician's sense of dramatic pause and flurry, to make your point through line spacings, stops and enjambments.

catefrances

moreandmore wrote:

I've read it's a gift
that when a person
who fails you, leaves you
To the lonely dogs
and the hungry sharks
and the horney toads.
To the unheld shores
and to our worst imaginations.

I'll have to remember
that when a person
who can't love you
(for whatever reason),
can't respect you
unless they walk away.

I will remember, how honest I was
how honor-bound to lift them up
and how respectful. And I will
remember to show my new love
what I felt for you, times two.

Fucker

i like this one. but i feel that the inclusion of the word that on both occasions it was used is begging for something not given. i think the use of that and when together isn't right.

FinsburyParkCarrots

catefrances wrote:

i think the use of that and when together isn't right.

I think this point could be rectified by saying,

I've read that it's a gift,
when a person
who fails you, leaves you
To the lonely dogs
and the hungry sharks
and the horney toads.

And:

I'll have to remember
that, when a person
who can't love you
(for whatever reason),
can't respect you
unless they walk away.


There you go. Minor changes, that don't tamper with the poem.

FinsburyParkCarrots

I'll have to remember
that, when a person
can't love you
(for whatever reason),
they can't respect you
unless they walk away.


That would make more grammatical sense. But I don't want to play around with someone else's poem!

moreandmore

Fins, (word up to the Irish, btw) you are always welcome to play around with my poetry. It's coolio by me, see? And, Catefrancis, the emotion behind the words... it IS begging for something not given, lol... not that I meant grammatical error, I know this poem could be better. It's on the fly... like so many things. Like the emotion itself.

And, you know? You give someone the gift of your forgiveness, the gift of your honesty and faith in their humaness. You give someone the opportunity to be authentic back, and it can make you feel vunerable. Like in giving, you SHOULD receive back. In this particular instance, I gave and did not receive back. And I'm left questioning, "Does he respect me? Does he care as he says he does?" And my answer back to myself is "No. Obviously, he does not." And it's cool. Whatever, whatever... just sad... kinda. So, I look to these statements, that tell me it's ok if he walks away. It's actually a gift. And I do find comfort in them. I still have my owie... but it'll be just fine..

hence the smiley... :):):):)