For Billy, Whenever He May Find Him

Bu2

To walk down
straight hallways
and see nothing but a twisted labyrinth

To dream dreams
of getting out
and getting home again

This can’t be easy
my friend
but it’s all you have at this point

No one is able to take you in again
No one is willing to let you back again

And that’s hard
your hard place
Between the rock
and the wall that is your hard place

But you have to roll that rock back
up the hill
on your own
Own it and roll it and sweat for it
and toil over it
On your own
and make it yours

No peaceful respite is worth it
if your own sweat and tears didn’t make it
No safe harbor is handy
if you don’t make it yours from scratch

I hope you learn that

I hope you learn
and live
and live and learn
as I have
and many, many others have
before you



- Lis, 8/08

Bu2

I wrote this for my ex-boyfriend. I broke up with him this past April. I let him live here with me in the apartment that I've paid for over the past 5 years.

I paid for everything, and he in turn gave me DVD's I didn't watch. TV's that I don't want. Heartache and arguments and battles that turned my stomach inside out.

He's now been turned out, with the help of the police. He got violent and suicidal, and swears today that he doesn't remember a bit of it.

I personally don't care what he remembers or what he doesn't. I just want him out.

He's currently in a psychiatric ward, and has nowhere to go but up from there. He's not coming home to me. His family doesn't want him.

It's my hope he'll roll the rock up the hill, and take on his struggle and make it his own. As we all do, as we all have.

If not, well........I can't give him anything further but pity. And he doesn't really want that.

Pray for him. But don't get suckered in. That's my motto. And I'm sticking to it.

angelm20

Nice poem~ I can tell you are trying hard to make peace with this. Its not easy though you are healing. I hope that Billy heals too. Did drugs play a part in this? Did he just flip out because you are tired of his shit?
I have an x husband named Billy who when I asked for a divorce~ went mental on me and would wake our 3 young kids up at 2am to say that he is going to kill himself because of me and when they wonder why Dadddys dead know that it is their moms fault. He broke in our home and would be waiting for us to come home. He would tell the kids that he was going to rig his shot gun to the door knob so that when we opened the door it would blow his head off and they would see this and know it was really me that pulled the trigger...etc..etc...realllllly crazy crap....I had to move accross country to find peace. My son who was 10 developed a horrible bleeding rash all over his body~ it was a nightmare~!!! After I moved it settled down...
it took a few years when my x finally found another woman to cling too that I found relief. It was a nightmare!!! So I understand what you are feeling and saying and how you care though you dont all at once. I am sorry for you both.
Stay strong~keep writing~ thats EXACTLY what helped me through that crap! Thank GOD I did too~I am so happy I left and worked through it!! YOU will be too from what it sounds and how it feels~ Best of Luck to YOU

Bu2

Thank you, angel m. Wow, what you went through was so much worse. And with kids, no less. I'm so glad you got away and have peace now.

We gotta stay strong, support one another. It's all good, that way.

Thanks so much for understanding. Peace,

Bu2

chadwick

pretty wild stuff Lis & angelm
some folks are not exactly stable
good luck to the both of you
wow

deadnote

good words