Sophie Loved Marines
HunterandHunted
Posts: 140
Her father was one and her grandfather before that, so it wasn't altogether surprising that she would end up, at the beginning of her twenties, starting a relationship with one. The Freudian implications are myriad and fairly self-explanatory so let us not go there - today we are bored with Freud, apart from the occasional surprise arising from the revelation that he used to snort enough coke to anaesthetize a small pony - a redemptive course of action in the eyes of the young... 'You can turn your back on a man, but never turn your back on a drug...'
Sophie's choice was a comfortable decision - to revert to what she knew. Life with a man that utilised freedom and mobility of thought - who wasn't a rule-driven pragmatist proved to be too much of an uncertainty. She had a lot of fear in her heart. Fear of the unknown - yet she did little to dispel it. She never embraced the notion that the unknown should be embraced like a weeping child or slowly flogged to death like an unrepentant pederast. Too much uncertainty. Where would it lead? She longed for answer's that could never be given and searched for a map that had never been written. While he roamed the plains of speculation and read maps of expectation.
While she took backwards steps he resolved to keep looking forward. For years he wandered, tasting, touching, feeling all that crossed his path. Still he learns, still he watches, still he appreciates everything on this great chaotic globe. Revelling in terror, stamping on fear - drawing clear pictures, drawing them near.
'Weave a circle round him thrice
And circle him with holy dread
For he on honey-dew hath fed
And drunk the milk of paradise' - Coleridge
Now her unhappiness, the fragmentation of the illusion of security, is etched upon her face and it is his only true cause for concern. Whether it has gifted her any insight, whether she has learned.
Returning from his wanderings, saddened by what he finds - his one true wish - to lift her up and together, that they may climb.
Sophie's choice was a comfortable decision - to revert to what she knew. Life with a man that utilised freedom and mobility of thought - who wasn't a rule-driven pragmatist proved to be too much of an uncertainty. She had a lot of fear in her heart. Fear of the unknown - yet she did little to dispel it. She never embraced the notion that the unknown should be embraced like a weeping child or slowly flogged to death like an unrepentant pederast. Too much uncertainty. Where would it lead? She longed for answer's that could never be given and searched for a map that had never been written. While he roamed the plains of speculation and read maps of expectation.
While she took backwards steps he resolved to keep looking forward. For years he wandered, tasting, touching, feeling all that crossed his path. Still he learns, still he watches, still he appreciates everything on this great chaotic globe. Revelling in terror, stamping on fear - drawing clear pictures, drawing them near.
'Weave a circle round him thrice
And circle him with holy dread
For he on honey-dew hath fed
And drunk the milk of paradise' - Coleridge
Now her unhappiness, the fragmentation of the illusion of security, is etched upon her face and it is his only true cause for concern. Whether it has gifted her any insight, whether she has learned.
Returning from his wanderings, saddened by what he finds - his one true wish - to lift her up and together, that they may climb.
What do you call 3 sheep tied together in the middle of Wales? - A Leisure Centre.
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Comments
Mahalo.
I guess it's because I want to know just what it is that makes Sophie so very unhappy.
Being told what to do and how to do it - and not being treated as the kind, talented, beautiful person that she is...
I find it interesting because I've been thinking about fathers lately. More specifically MY father because I never met him. That's all.
This is very interesting to me.
I had the best father a person could have..
yet it's the bf that i can relate this to.
they say we keep trying to fix what was broken
so maybe sophie's motivated by that. if she can get her man to treat her kindly, then the error of the father is mitigated. tough lessons all around.
is a lot like the bf
but i forgive her. try to anyways.
then i forgive
then i get pissed off again at something new
coupled with the unforgivable old
it's endless... but you know, lol... relationships are eternal, they say
My mom was an alcoholic too, moody, selfish, sometimes eloquent.
Funny I didn't recognize the hints, then, in this post (I thought it was about Marines).
I guess it's because I drink, and am moody, sometimes selfish, sometimes eloquent. And so I'm not looking for them anymore (my parents)....I see them every morning. In the mirror.
Why do I feel like I just stumbled into the wrong room at a hotel? Oh well. Carry on.
pissed off one minute
at peace the next
it is endless and it does piss me off
you take what you're given, i guess...
Heh. It gets us through, doesn't it? It gets us through.
By the way, Hunter, I thought this was an extremely well-written and thought provoking post. I really enjoyed reading it.
everyone's like that, moody, eloquent sometimes... stuff like that
and jamjam? i prefer to give when i'm taken, lol... beit the middle finger, or whatever
peace
haha, yeah...i'd prefer to give the middle finger too
peace, PN.
I have to say i'm a little surprised that this piece provoked the response it has (in a good way) and am appreciative of the comments recieved...
Nazi, I think you may have hit the nail on the head when you talked about Sophie attempting to mitigate the error's of her father through getting her BF to start being a decent human...
Unfortunately, she's been trying for a long time now and you can see it in her eyes that it's not going to happen.
And its really fucking shit.
But like I say, she's scared to let go.
...the hardest, most fucked up thing I've ever personally been through.
If what Sophie's doing is being so nice, he's just gotta see the light. Then Sophie's gotta bite the bullet and try something else. She's gotta steel-up, break out the whip... stand on the kitchen table and say, Listen Up Fucker... today it's gonna be different! If she wants shit mitigated, she's gotta do it herself. My X so wishes I'd've done it like that. He'd have crawled out of his skin if I did, but he'd have at least heard me and known it meant something.
oh sigh...
The paradox of the whole sorry affair is that Sophie is a pretty assertive person but in this case, not when she need's to be...
I don't think she realises that she's looking for a replacement/advanced model of her father - and I don't really want to broach the subject because I know she'd be pretty sensitive to it...but maybe it's necessary.
But what makes it a little more complicated is that we have a lot of history...so I'm not best placed to criticise, even though she trusts and confides in me - the balance of that relationship is difficult enough to maintain as it is...
It's funny you should talk about relationship education...Was reading an article about Daniel Goleman's (author of 'Emotional Intelligence) new book called 'Social Intelligence' that broadly outlined its content - combined use of awareness and development of existing tools - and it transpired that his earlier effort 'Emotional Intelligence' (fascinating - well worth the read) has been introduced to some school cirriculum's in Britain (ok, in the private sector - but somebody's got to take the lead) . Interesting development/recognition of the necessary tools to lead a fulfilling life....
Allow my cynicism to now point out the fact that the debate we had earlier, if true... makes our existence worthless. Because for many people, being loved is the most important thing EVER. People are out there all fucked up cuz love isn't real. It's some selfish construct supporting our chemical addiction to dopamine.
Like that chick who wanted a rape fantasy. A crime of passion, proving that someone on this planet wants her so bad, he'd break the law to get it.
ugh
I wish someone would pay me to figure THIS out, lol...
I think a marine embodies the concept of the survivalist mode - No.1 and while displaying the basic skills of parenting, in this I think your right, has ultimately been brainwashed and is incapable of displaying real love, as you put it...
It is tempting to equate the illusory aspect of love with money - we attach a certain value to it according to our beliefs or what we've been told - but that doesn't mean it has any real value...
We are in danger of charting the depths of ultra-cynicism here so I will think on before I continue - but there is always a multi-spectrum collective of things to provide the same illusion...Balance of chemicals...
Still, we don't want to shatter anyone's illusion do we...
'Blasphemer' He cried. Mother of Sweating Jesus! The decision to flee came suddenly...'