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Free Lunch

snowcovereddunnsnowcovereddunn Posts: 27
edited March 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
No money again
nothing at home to bring
Damn pride
why do i care
i am so f**kin hungry
but everyone will see me
see me in line
getting a hand out
this is high school
everyone will judge me
no white kids ever get in that line
i'd be the only one
i hate this
there is Amy
i definitely cant get in line
my kids will never go hungry!
Arms wide open with the sea as his floor.....
Believe in things again like when you were a child.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • eMMIeMMI Posts: 6,262
    I can really see this happening, well written. :)
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • snowcovereddunnsnowcovereddunn Posts: 27
    eMMI wrote:
    I can really see this happening, well written. :)

    thanks I've read your work it is very good
    Arms wide open with the sea as his floor.....
    Believe in things again like when you were a child.
  • snowcovereddunnsnowcovereddunn Posts: 27
    eMMI wrote:
    I can really see this happening, well written. :)

    it is a true life reflection
    Arms wide open with the sea as his floor.....
    Believe in things again like when you were a child.
  • eMMIeMMI Posts: 6,262
    snowcovereddunn wrote:
    thanks I've read your work it is very good

    my pleasure. :)

    oh thank you kindly. :)
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • eMMIeMMI Posts: 6,262
    snowcovereddunn wrote:
    it is a true life reflection

    I can tell.
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • snowcovereddunnsnowcovereddunn Posts: 27
    these are my first two entries in this folder,it feels good
    Arms wide open with the sea as his floor.....
    Believe in things again like when you were a child.
  • eMMIeMMI Posts: 6,262
    snowcovereddunn wrote:
    these are my first two entries in this folder,it feels good

    well, congratulations, you've found a great way to express yourself!. :)

    it does feel good.
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    I can picture this.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    Please read through untill the end

    I read both items you posted. I say item besause I'm not really sure what they are. My problem is I like what your saying but I do't really like your style.
    I hope you're still with me at this point. You know how to build an image really well. I feel thou, you make the words sound to plain (no sauce, if you catch my drift). Maybe and I do mean maybe (who am I to tell you) you could use a little more form, it brings rhythm to your work.

    I hope this reply isn't to nagatieve, because I do feel a bit of an ass.
    However I say these this to built and not to destroy.

    The topics for your prose are strong.
    The way you paint the situation is really good.

    Just try to be more playfull in your use of words.


    Good karma 2 U
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
  • karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    Please read through untill the end

    I've read both items you posted. I say items besause I'm not really sure what they are. My problem is I like what your saying but I don't really like your style.
    I hope you're still with me at this point. You know how to build an image really well. I feel though, you make the words sound to plain (no sauce, if you catch my drift). Maybe and I do mean maybe (who am I to tell you) you could use a little more form, it brings rhythm to your work.

    I hope this reply isn't to nagatieve, because I do feel a bit of an ass.
    However I say this to built and not to destroy.

    The topics for your prose are strong.
    The way you paint the situation is really good.

    Just try to be more playfull in your use of words.


    Good karma 2 U
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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