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Closing Time

coachchriscoachchris Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada Posts: 749
edited January 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Sitting here
looking down into the empty glass
I remember better days
When it wasn’t so fast

All made sense
With your arms
Draped over my shoulders
Comforting me with your charm

The smoke billows
Out of the ashtray
The barkeep voices
You cannot stay

Mopping up behind us
The chairs on the tables
Reminds me of times
When I was more stable

Walking out the door now
From the past that’s brewing within
That strong left hook
I took it on the chin

Didn’t see it coming
Now my heart cries with the night
I want to go
Out of sight

Forget this drink
Like another smoke
Forget the rich
Let me go broke
Adolescence in essence is all about trust.
Leaving is for the answering machine.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Ah, drowning your sorrows......how many women have been mourned at the bottom of a glass, I wonder? Too many to count, I'm sure. :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • WinterPedestrianWinterPedestrian Posts: 18
    This one got me real good! Like you took an experience of mine (it was 3 months about 5 or 6 years ago) from beginning to end and put it to 'paper'. Except where: "Didn't see it coming", I did see it coming. Still took the ride.

    Love it!
    Movement, actions, images, thoughts, perceptions, ideals all seem to forge within me a strength of doubt that renders me incapable of associating my life with normality and the thoughts of a well balanced and functional pedestrian. -JDP
  • coachchriscoachchris Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada Posts: 749
    Wow, thanks for the comments guys. Good or bad I always appreciate them. I never have very good flow in the things I write. For the most part it's like I'm not even writing them, the words just leave my hand and onto the paper. Always wish for flow however....:(
    Adolescence in essence is all about trust.
    Leaving is for the answering machine.
  • WinterPedestrianWinterPedestrian Posts: 18
    There's flow Coach... definitely flow.

    You are right, comments good and bad and flow is always needed. It's hard. I always have a good start and then... choke. What is that? A fear? Perhaps it's just annoying.
    Movement, actions, images, thoughts, perceptions, ideals all seem to forge within me a strength of doubt that renders me incapable of associating my life with normality and the thoughts of a well balanced and functional pedestrian. -JDP
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,265
    coachchris wrote:
    it's like I'm not even writing them, the words just leave my hand and onto the paper.(
    With a first draft that's how I usually feel, and sometimes it comes in other drafts, like a word that I wouldn't ususally think about just shows up. I consider that flow, though: like I'm a catalyst for the words to be expressed or something like that.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • coachchriscoachchris Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada Posts: 749
    I used to be extremely fearful of writing and I never showed anyone most of my stuff. Then I started posting some of my inner most thoughts that I've ever put to paper. Thought of it being so much less vulnerable since few people here know me. I think my biggest lessen learnt was don't be afraid to choke just put it all out there. I don't think or find myself to be half as talented as say BeingEnlightened or Depop, those two consistantly leave me in awe and inspire me to continue to post.
    Adolescence in essence is all about trust.
    Leaving is for the answering machine.
  • WinterPedestrianWinterPedestrian Posts: 18
    I haven't showed anyone any of my stuff... actually once many years ago. I just remember their looks. I don't even remember if they commented. Just their looks.

    I've only just started posting in this forum. So silly really, I spent so much time thinking about becoming a member and then spent some more time as an observer. Got to get rid of the fear, hey!!

    Your vibe in this work sat so well with me...
    Movement, actions, images, thoughts, perceptions, ideals all seem to forge within me a strength of doubt that renders me incapable of associating my life with normality and the thoughts of a well balanced and functional pedestrian. -JDP
  • depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    good job coach
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
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