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Time

coachchriscoachchris Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada Posts: 749
edited October 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Hi all, I guess I feel I've been a lurker for long enough. Comments about anything I write are welcomed, positive or negative I would love to hear feedback.



The time on my clock
Is a never-ending journey
Leading me to nowhere
Except the river of deceit
I’ve been down to the foot before
And it’s never been a trip of pleasure
What I would do for a dream and honesty?

I don’t want to wake up unless it’s beautiful you
I don’t want to wake up unless it’s beautiful blue
I only want to wake up if you promise to see me through

I’ve stumbled my way long enough
On the path that continues without answers
Can you feel it tonight?
Does it all feel right?
This river will dry up
Time is taking its toll

I don’t want to wake up unless it’s beautiful you
I don’t want to wake up unless it’s beautiful blue
I’ll only wake up if you promise to see me through
Adolescence in essence is all about trust.
Leaving is for the answering machine.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • twin2twin2 Posts: 894
    This one is really pretty.
  • Childrens HourChildrens Hour Posts: 93
    twin2 wrote:
    This one is really pretty.

    Yes it is..
    :)
    ۞Je houdt niet van haar omdat ze bijzonder is, ze is bijzonder omdat ze van je houdt,
    ۞Liefde is niet dat waarop het uitloopt, maar dat waarmee het begint,
    ۞Er is liefde en je begint een relatie om te zien of zij daartegen bestand is.
  • coachchriscoachchris Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada Posts: 749
    Thank you for the kind comments. :)
    Adolescence in essence is all about trust.
    Leaving is for the answering machine.
  • KovoKovo Posts: 255
    I like it, and welcome :D
    I shouldn't have to fight a battle I'll never win, just to lose those I've never had.
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    To me it reads like lyrics because of the repetition of :

    "I don’t want to wake up unless it’s beautiful you
    I don’t want to wake up unless it’s beautiful blue
    I only want to wake up if you promise to see me through"

    and actually, I love those 3 lines and am glad it was repeated because it drives it home. :)

    I also like how the first stanza starts out shorter and widens and then, how the third starts out wide and shortens. :)

    Damn the TICK, TOCK of the clock!!! :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • eMMIeMMI Posts: 6,262
    I’ve stumbled my way long enough
    On the path that continues without answers
    Can you feel it tonight?
    Does it all feel right?
    This river will dry up
    Time is taking its toll

    this verse is something that just stands out to me. :) very nice!
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • coachchriscoachchris Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada Posts: 749
    It really is humbling that people actually enjoy some things I've written.

    I’ve stumbled my way long enough
    On the path that continues without answers
    Can you feel it tonight?
    Does it all feel right?
    This river will dry up
    Time is taking its toll

    This is the most pessimistic optimism :)...if that makes sense. Something I'm known for :(
    Adolescence in essence is all about trust.
    Leaving is for the answering machine.
  • eMMIeMMI Posts: 6,262
    coachchris wrote:
    It really is humbling that people actually enjoy some things I've written.

    I’ve stumbled my way long enough
    On the path that continues without answers
    Can you feel it tonight?
    Does it all feel right?
    This river will dry up
    Time is taking its toll

    This is the most pessimistic optimism :)...if that makes sense. Something I'm known for :(

    I know what you mean. it's amazing some people actually like what I write.
    and that some people here are actually really really good! :) like you, you're very good. but maybe you need a little notch of confidence..? :o
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
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