I would like some feedback on the poem I wrote, it's my version of red mosquito!
vedhead01
Posts: 24
Suicidal tendencies treacherous to the mind,
an eternal burning, answers I must find.
Tears down a pale cheek, also nestled in my eyes,
I'm buried six feet under, buried in my lies.
The devil is hovering over me to remind me he is near,
a sly grin as he gets off on my every sense of fear.
Dancing above me, continually taunting,
eyes closed tightly his presence still haunting.
He approaches, tempted to take a bite,
the door creaks open releasing some light.
Just when I though he'd send me to my doom,
a large silhouette enters the room.
His presence powerful, I feel safe an warm,
the devil cowards in the corner, I'm now kept from harm.
The large figure lays his gentle hand upon my drowned head,
fears of evil are now the only thing dead.
Salty drops upon my body as I clinch my pillow tight,
I have survived what seemed an endless night!
Let me know what u guys think I take both complim,ents and criticisms so feel free to reply!
an eternal burning, answers I must find.
Tears down a pale cheek, also nestled in my eyes,
I'm buried six feet under, buried in my lies.
The devil is hovering over me to remind me he is near,
a sly grin as he gets off on my every sense of fear.
Dancing above me, continually taunting,
eyes closed tightly his presence still haunting.
He approaches, tempted to take a bite,
the door creaks open releasing some light.
Just when I though he'd send me to my doom,
a large silhouette enters the room.
His presence powerful, I feel safe an warm,
the devil cowards in the corner, I'm now kept from harm.
The large figure lays his gentle hand upon my drowned head,
fears of evil are now the only thing dead.
Salty drops upon my body as I clinch my pillow tight,
I have survived what seemed an endless night!
Let me know what u guys think I take both complim,ents and criticisms so feel free to reply!
I had a false belief I thought I came here to stay. we're all just visiting, breaking like waves! - E.V.
"Heaven is not a place you go when you die
it's that moment you touch her and you actually feel alive."- The Spill Canvas
"Heaven is not a place you go when you die
it's that moment you touch her and you actually feel alive."- The Spill Canvas
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