Amentia

trinityeliza
trinityeliza Posts: 426
edited October 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Slipping back into amentia,...
He thinks he sees her in the fog ahead
Moving towards her silhoutte...
Stops in his tracks instead

Hearing her light hearted banter
She's teasing & taunting his fear~~
She's always been the one...
The right side of his cerebral hemisphere

"Don't you leave me babygirl"... he cries
"Please don't leave my sight"
"I could never make it on my own,"....
His voice carries out in the night

He blinks for a second
In a second she's gone
He can still taste her scent
She'd been the one always there for him...
The only one for so long

No trace of where she went
No where left for him to go
but he will follow...
Her soft kisses on his lips....
Amentia and sorrow
Put me in coach...I'm ready to
Fuck up...the USA...
Look at me...I can rig...
The presidency!!!!
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • EvilToasterElf
    EvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    Another very nice piece, but take the pedal off the accelerator. Take it from someone who would post 5 poems a night and watch them all slip to the bottom of the page unanswered. Especially when you're new to the board, let people get a feel for you, or it can get really frustrating. And I'd hate to see that, because you've got talent, and this place can be a great springboard for criticism and praise.
  • depopulationINC
    depopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    very good post, thanks
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
  • jamainiac
    jamainiac Posts: 429
    He can still taste her scent


    beautiful... literally made me catch my breath...
    Exercising her will to lose control...
    she lets go
  • violet ray
    violet ray Posts: 502
    beautifully sad
    You ask me to enter
    But then You make me crawl
    And I can't be holding on
    To what You got
    When all You've got is hurt
    ----
    Underneath this smile lies everything
    All my hopes and anger, pride and shame
  • twin2
    twin2 Posts: 894
    He blinks for a second
    In a second she's gone
    He can still taste her scent
    She'd been the one always there for him...
    The only one for so long

    No trace of where she went
    No where left for him to go
    but he will follow...
    Her soft kisses on his lips....
    Amentia and sorrow[/quote]


    I especially like the lines above.
  • Kovo
    Kovo Posts: 255
    "She'd been the one always there for him...
    The only one for so long"

    It's sad when you realise that even the one person who's always been for you there won't always be there for you.
    I shouldn't have to fight a battle I'll never win, just to lose those I've never had.
  • trinityeliza
    trinityeliza Posts: 426
    EvilToasterElf wrote:
    Another very nice piece, but take the pedal off the accelerator. Take it from someone who would post 5 poems a night and watch them all slip to the bottom of the page unanswered. Especially when you're new to the board, let people get a feel for you, or it can get really frustrating. And I'd hate to see that, because you've got talent, and this place can be a great springboard for criticism and praise.

    Thanks for the kind words. I don't mind the "critique"... I like to receive IM/Private Messages when someone has something lengthy to say. I love discussing the dynamics, emotions, song progressions, etc... feel free to send private notes ;) I don't take the pedal off the accelerator... I'm very prolific and like to share. I've been here before... just this time around I am a new person,... a new me.... new words... I don't expect praise... I like to share with others and hopefully they gravitate towards something I've written/experienced and can relate. That's all
    Put me in coach...I'm ready to
    Fuck up...the USA...
    Look at me...I can rig...
    The presidency!!!!
  • studio54raveman
    studio54raveman Posts: 72
    that was just an amazing poem and the way you capture their love for one another is brilliant
    BOW-WOW-WOW-YIPPIE YO YIPPIE YA
    BOW WOW WOW YIPPIE YO
    It's kinda hard in the L.B.C.
    When you're the SNOOP DO-GG!!!

    ME SAY"SHUGGY FO SHUGGY MY NOOGIE!!!!"-URBAN BOOGIE

    "REMEMBER KIDS LIVING IN TOTALITARIAN COMMUNES BREEDS DISSIDENCE"- POOPY BOOGIE'S TINKY
  • trinityeliza
    trinityeliza Posts: 426
    studio54raveman wrote:
    that was just an amazing poem and the way you capture their love for one another is brilliant

    wow,... thank you!
    Put me in coach...I'm ready to
    Fuck up...the USA...
    Look at me...I can rig...
    The presidency!!!!
  • studio54raveman
    studio54raveman Posts: 72
    i know a grrl who went through that same exact thing. she's pulled through beautifully.
    BOW-WOW-WOW-YIPPIE YO YIPPIE YA
    BOW WOW WOW YIPPIE YO
    It's kinda hard in the L.B.C.
    When you're the SNOOP DO-GG!!!

    ME SAY"SHUGGY FO SHUGGY MY NOOGIE!!!!"-URBAN BOOGIE

    "REMEMBER KIDS LIVING IN TOTALITARIAN COMMUNES BREEDS DISSIDENCE"- POOPY BOOGIE'S TINKY
  • twin1
    twin1 Posts: 902
    That was really beautiful. Thanks!
    Our love must not be just words, but True Love, which shows itself in action,
    No one needs a smile more than someone who fails to give one,
    After you die...you know how to LIVE!

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