A very short story...
josephmitch
Posts: 17
If anyone could give me some feedback on if this is any good or not I's appreciate it. Seriously be harsh, because I'm going to show it to someone if it doesn't suck. And I'd really like you guys to maybe save me some embaressment.
"Mari"
At this moment, right now, she knew something for sure.
Her pale skin called to mind the purity of an angel. Her tussled hair spoke of passion. It was this tantalising blend of innocence and fire that made her beautiful. She enjoyed that reflection in his eyes.
Before that moment, she felt like her life was a dory off course, lost at sea. Life had crashed over her like sea surf. Friends were untrue, Loves were not loves. Until that moment boys, men and fathers had come and gone, their memories were like unwanted moorings sinking her. She was a heart beating in the depths.
A this moment, she felt, in his lips, a transparent communication of true love. And in his lips' trembles were fervid passion that promised immortality. In his harbor she discovered no answers, but she did not need the meaning of it all any more. 42 Kisses were the answer. Their communion of a heartbeat marked the bell in which she realized she did not need women, men or the answer, she needed him.
"Mari"
At this moment, right now, she knew something for sure.
Her pale skin called to mind the purity of an angel. Her tussled hair spoke of passion. It was this tantalising blend of innocence and fire that made her beautiful. She enjoyed that reflection in his eyes.
Before that moment, she felt like her life was a dory off course, lost at sea. Life had crashed over her like sea surf. Friends were untrue, Loves were not loves. Until that moment boys, men and fathers had come and gone, their memories were like unwanted moorings sinking her. She was a heart beating in the depths.
A this moment, she felt, in his lips, a transparent communication of true love. And in his lips' trembles were fervid passion that promised immortality. In his harbor she discovered no answers, but she did not need the meaning of it all any more. 42 Kisses were the answer. Their communion of a heartbeat marked the bell in which she realized she did not need women, men or the answer, she needed him.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
not being au fait with the latest romantic literature... i'd say it was good, well written stuff.
but seriously if you ask her to shag you she probably will, save you the bother of trying to be Byronesque.
great first post
i think it suck but others thought i should submit it, i dunno.
I especially liked the description about her in the beginning.
can't really define why, just did.