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needs a tittle

depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
edited October 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
This is kinda long, but if you read it, feel free to recomend a tittle (the never ending story is out)

Looking back I see my life
And I can not ignore
Looking forward I see no path
Is there nothing more
Looking back I see my life
Its been a bore
Looking now I see no promise
And what’s more
Looking forward I see no path
Where will
I soar

Everything that Ive ever wanted
Has come to me
At chore
I work harder everyday
But still
I don’t get more

Feel the flesh
Bound by a leash
Harness evermore
Feel the flesh
Pulled from beneath
All is struggled for

Doing time inside this cell
Will it ever be known
Seeing daylight just one time
Feel grim
Drift in

Feel the soul
Dry up fast
Dying
In this hole
Feel the soul
Going fast
Given
A bad role

Everything that Ive ever wanted
Has come to me
At chore
I work harder everyday
But still I don’t
Get more

Will I ever breach their grasp
Break through
The other side
Will my ship stay on coarse
Or wander
In their tide

I no nothing more than this
Not much
That I can do
All my efforts must stay focused
Keep my heart
To stay true

Everything that Ive ever wanted
Has come to me
At chore
I work harder everyday
But still
I don’t get more

Serving tyrants who don’t give back
Is getting old
Ive been trying for so many years
I feel so old
What can I do to get my way
For just one day
How can they control with emptiness
They convey
Why do we abide by they’re ghastly rules
They wont abide
By what they say
I don’t want to take they’re grief
I can not hide
For one more day

Everything that Ive ever wanted
Has come to me
At chore
I work harder everyday
But still
I don’t get more

Looking back I see my life
And what I’ve gave
Looking forward I see no path
Is nothing to save
Looking back I see my life
Been their whore
Looking now I see no promise
And what’s more
Looking forward I see no path
Where will
I soar
The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

And I won't make the same mistakes
(Because I know)
Because I know how much time that wastes
(And function)
Function is the key
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • pacifierpacifier Posts: 1,009
    Hmm, less than hopeful, but I like it. Just to ley you know, there are a couple of time's you've written "they're" instead of "their". I'm no good with titles. How about "Nothing Left". That's pretty lame, but it sounds that way. Actually, it doesn't sound like there is nothing left, but like you can't see what is ahead, so maybe something about not seeing/blinded. The part that stuck out to me the most was seeing no path, no promise.
  • twin2twin2 Posts: 894
    It's a good poem. It shows alot of frustration. Maybe you could call it, "The Struggle" or something along those lines. I really hope things improve for you. From what all I've read, and I don't know if I'm right or not, it sounds like you need a new job.
  • KovoKovo Posts: 255
    The chore of living?
    I shouldn't have to fight a battle I'll never win, just to lose those I've never had.
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    I agree with pacifier, about not seeing path or promise sticking out in your poem. Therefore, my suggestion is "Sightless". Or, could be "The Predetermined Path of the Sightless", something like that. :) Hmmm, even the lines "Where will I soar" seem to make me think of birds and a title like, "Circling Sightlessly". I like Kovo's idea too. Hey, we could combine them all--"Nothing Left But The Chore Of Circling Sighlessly"! :D At any rate, good luck! Worse comes to worse, just call it "Untitled". :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,265
    Hanged Man
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    pacifier wrote:
    Hmm, less than hopeful, but I like it. Just to ley you know, there are a couple of time's you've written "they're" instead of "their". I'm no good with titles. How about "Nothing Left". That's pretty lame, but it sounds that way. Actually, it doesn't sound like there is nothing left, but like you can't see what is ahead, so maybe something about not seeing/blinded. The part that stuck out to me the most was seeing no path, no promise.


    "Actually, it doesn't sound like there is nothing left, but like you can't see what is ahead,"

    you hit that one on the head. It, to me, also represents a frustration of working at a multi billion dollar corporation, with record profits, that still cuts corners and treats its staff like crap. That is the job I quit. (I am happy to say that it appears they are striding to change their ways a bit.) But, yes...right now I have been looking and questioning some decions of my past, and why I tolerated certain things so long. I look now, and there are so many options, but I can not decide what path to take. All I know is that I will never be surpressed by a corporation again, and that as long as I continue to do what I feel is right, I will succeed. Thats what this meant to me anyways.
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
  • depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    hmm, some good tittles.

    The Struggle When Left With Nothing But The Chore Of Circling Sightlessly

    HAHA, me likes

    BTW, Thanks for all the great input by everyone. Really appreciate it.
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
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