Home› Poetry, Prose, Music & Art

not me

depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
edited May 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I love to hate I give it every single chance I beg and plead is this for real I hope and pray I need some more I reach for the sky but I know that there is nothing there I know it’s strange I know it’s odd still I think I’ll get to there someday

I don’t want
To feel
As I let my mind go its own way
I just want
To feel
There’s something here to make me stay

Why can’t
I be happy with all I’ve got
Why can’t
I see
There’s much more at my grasp
But that just don’t mean a lot

I need
Something
I can feel it growing inside me
I crave
What’s is
Right there for me to take
I still
Want it
All to stay the same

Look what can you see these steps I’m faking stop now don’t look back you might see somehow I’ll close a door I’ll go my way you’ll stop you’ll see I don’t live dreams you smile you thank you praise me you like my life I seem so free shut your eye cause’ that’s not really me
The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

And I won't make the same mistakes
(Because I know)
Because I know how much time that wastes
(And function)
Function is the key
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • twin1twin1 Posts: 902
    Sad and searching...frustrated also, that is what I felt when reading this one...good read :)
    Our love must not be just words, but True Love, which shows itself in action,
    No one needs a smile more than someone who fails to give one,
    After you die...you know how to LIVE!
  • pacifierpacifier Posts: 1,009
    this sounds depressing, but with hope. A hope that you don't realise is there until you see the light again and realise it was the only thing that got you through the darkness. Dark. That describes a lot of what you write.
  • depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    was inspired by a few friends who think my life is perfect. It is far from it. I have had some big successes and victories over some bad times. I fill my life with work, because I know if I stop moving, I will revert to old ways. They don't see that part of my life. They have a really false vision of who I am.
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
  • depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    codedbrandedlabelled wrote:
    I had a big shock on Sat Night , a friend a very close friend who i have admired and fancied for years ( see she just doesn't) really. really feels down and sad about being herself.

    Nothing perfect ( not even No code) but i think ya should listen to ya freinds depop, after all the last person who is going to be objective about you is you.

    and there is nothing wrong with replacing "old ways" with something new


    I hear what you are saying, and honestly, I can't complain about my life...I am just saying that they are a bit blind if they think working 4000hrs a year to sacrifice a real social life, just to keep yourself clean is peaches, they are blind. They see my money, toys, stocks, etc and think it all just falls in my lap, not reallising what that takes to get there.
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
  • twin1twin1 Posts: 902
    codedbrandedlabelled wrote:
    I hear ya,

    I think thats a fundimental flaw across our society if you have everything on the outside you must have everything on the inside

    and those that wear what they have on the inside on their outside get stigmatised and stereotyped

    I know so many people who to look at you would think they were okay - but they are just ready to fall apart

    Just don't turn into American Phsyco

    If you ever need to talk................

    Wow, I can really relate to this conversation. I have been there in appearances where I thought I had everything - I had everything on the outside and was miserable inside. I walked away from all of it because it was "fake". I gave up everything pretty much including starting over financially. I realized that the internal for me was way more important than the external. You can't take money with you when you go. If you don't get your heart in the right place, nothing else will matter and you will always be miserable. For me that was "getting right" with God but I realize some do not believe and I don't believe in shoving that down anyone's throat, they have to want it or it becomes fake. I have lived the "fake" life for a long time, the "American dream" and it was not true. Sometimes you live a lie and don't understand or realize that you are and once it hits you you know you can't ignore it. I look around all the time and see so many people who live miserable because that is what they are use to and they are too afraid to change it or it is what they were taught and they don't know another way. For years I went around in circles fighting the same internal and external battles. No one knew including those closest to me. The simple act of genuine kindness of a friend helped open my eyes and I am very thankful for it. It does not bug me if people think I am a flake or freak, at least I know that I am living true to myself and comfortable with who I am, flaws and all. People will always judge others and that is very sad. I don't believe we were meant to be here to hurt each other but to help those we can. Surface is always deceiving, there is always alot to a person if you choose to dig a little deeper, that is where the true colors lie... :)
    Our love must not be just words, but True Love, which shows itself in action,
    No one needs a smile more than someone who fails to give one,
    After you die...you know how to LIVE!
  • twin1twin1 Posts: 902
    codedbrandedlabelled wrote:
    too true twin 1

    it's better to live up to your own standards than anyone elses but unfortunately society always manages to twist our self worth and our idea of our self efficacy.

    everyone does bad things, everyone feels bad, it's okay to wear that on the outside sometimes, just don't hide from it or let it take over

    I've learnt it's okay to fall apart

    there is always some one some where who will help you to put yourself back together


    I agree...balance is so important in all aspects of a persons life! It takes alot of hard work to achieve it sometimes. I personally take all the things I have screwed up on and share with others in hopes they will realize it doesn't make them a failure or worthless because they can't achieve perfection, none of us can. Since I am a Christian, angels (friends) help me when I need it. Who has not had days when the underside of a rock is very appealing or they drop the ball on everything they touch. The support of others whose intentions are pure can be beneficial if we open our hearts to it and are honest to ourselves and others. True friends don't judge, they love you for you and encourage you and sometimes tell you when you are wrong or foolish if you are but out of love, not to hurt you. Sometimes it requires looking in the mirror and going, "how horrible, what are you doing??!!" It can be rather painful and humbling but can produce some really good things if you take the "ass kicking" and learn from it, turn it into something positive to help you grow. :)
    Our love must not be just words, but True Love, which shows itself in action,
    No one needs a smile more than someone who fails to give one,
    After you die...you know how to LIVE!
  • oldermanolderman Posts: 1,765
    this brings to mind a quote by elizabeth barrett browning's husband...

    A man's reach should exeed his grasp, or else what's a heaven for?
    -- Robert Browning

    good read.
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    olderman wrote:
    this brings to mind a quote by elizabeth barrett browning's husband...

    A man's reach should exeed his grasp, or else what's a heaven for?
    -- Robert Browning

    good read.

    interesting...
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
  • coachchriscoachchris Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada Posts: 749
    I really love the way you wrote this one Depop!! I read it over in amazement three times. You truly have a gift to write and should publish everything you've done. Let me know when you do cause I'll stand in line for it ;) Thanks again for sharing!!
    Adolescence in essence is all about trust.
    Leaving is for the answering machine.
  • depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    coachchris wrote:
    I really love the way you wrote this one Depop!! I read it over in amazement three times. You truly have a gift to write and should publish everything you've done. Let me know when you do cause I'll stand in line for it ;) Thanks again for sharing!!


    wow, thanks.

    I would have 2 buyers now! Sweet!
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
Sign In or Register to comment.