girl

depopulationINC

I still remember how you said you’d always be my girl
Clearly I recall the way you rocked my world
Don’t understand exactly why we are through
Hate standing here
When all that I can think of is you

Was it the way I smiled
Because you lit up the room
Or the way I died
By the smell of your perfume
Perhaps the undying love
Or the truths I always told
Maybe the way I held you
When others shattered your world

All I really know is that I want you in my life
I stand here before you cause I wanna hold you tight
I don’t know what it is that made you feel this way
I hope you change your mind
I hope you come back to stay

twin1

Oh, that was really sweet! I hope she does too!

trinityeliza

Sweet!!!! Butterflies aflutter!!!!

bossman3188

i never know how to reply to poems on this board.

but this one really flowed together very nice. i definitely needed that read. Nice job and really lets the mind wonder.

Spunkie

ya... what he said!

depopulationINC

bossman3188 wrote:

i never know how to reply to poems on this board.

but this one really flowed together very nice. i definitely needed that read. Nice job and really lets the mind wonder.

feel free to comment by just typing wherever your mind leads you.

Thankyou for your post. appreciated.

twin2

Nice one Depop.

chromiam

very nice.. I think we all know that feeling all too well

depopulationINC

BTW, good or bad....all comments are welcome....all critisism helps one to grow.

EvilToasterElf

depopulationINC wrote:

BTW, good or bad....all comments are welcome....all critisism helps one to grow.

Well since I don't respond to your poems more than very rarely, I will give a reasonable reason why.

You remind me very much of the way I used to write, when I was much more prolific, had a million things to spout onto the paper, and poured out a poem or two a night. Which is not to say the way I write now is any better, but I would say closer to the accepted method of most current poets. I can't really critique without trying to ship you off into a completely different style. The talent, the drive, and the manipulation of words is all there, but I've seen so many relationship poems in rhyme, that they all just start to blend together for me. There's no need to change, the people here, who I assume are your intended audience all love your stuff, it's closer to music, more memorable, (and this is a music message board) but if you're serious about committing anything into a magazine or the few poetry journals left to us, I'd say you'd probably have trouble doing it with this style. If you don't plan on doing so then don't bother.

It was reading people like William Mathews, Stephen Dobyns, A.R. Ammons, Robert Pinsky, and the like that almost overnight changed the way I approached the art. But I always read through them, and like I said, you've got all the parts.

ETE

depopulationINC

EvilToasterElf wrote:

Well since I don't respond to your poems more than very rarely, I will give a reasonable reason why.

You remind me very much of the way I used to write, when I was much more prolific, had a million things to spout onto the paper, and poured out a poem or two a night. Which is not to say the way I write now is any better, but I would say closer to the accepted method of most current poets. I can't really critique without trying to ship you off into a completely different style. The talent, the drive, and the manipulation of words is all there, but I've seen so many relationship poems in rhyme, that they all just start to blend together for me. There's no need to change, the people here, who I assume are your intended audience all love your stuff, it's closer to music, more memorable, (and this is a music message board) but if you're serious about committing anything into a magazine or the few poetry journals left to us, I'd say you'd probably have trouble doing it with this style. If you don't plan on doing so then don't bother.

It was reading people like William Mathews, Stephen Dobyns, A.R. Ammons, Robert Pinsky, and the like that almost overnight changed the way I approached the art. But I always read through them, and like I said, you've got all the parts.

ETE

Thanks ETE, I aggree with everything you said. I enjoy this style of writing, as I like see it more as lyrics than formal poetry. I believe that some day I may change my style of writing, or at least experiment with other styles. For now, I am developing ideas.

Thanks greatly for your post.

EvilToasterElf

depopulationINC wrote:

Thanks ETE, I aggree with everything you said. I enjoy this style of writing, as I like see it more as lyrics than formal poetry. I believe that some day I may change my style of writing, or at least experiment with other styles. For now, I am developing ideas.

Thanks greatly for your post.

Hey, you've churned out enough for me to put in my two cents, check out the rhyming thread I put up if you can find it somewhere and you'll know what I mean.