I think the nightman is still pulling for me

Icantgetawayfromme

I think the nightman is still pulling for me. I think he’ll turn his head and pretend not to notice when (if?) I get brave enough to make my escape.

It’s a dark, lonely road out there, but I know it’s much scarier in here. It doesn’t seem like it right now, but there’s enough of me left that remembers the unprogrammed view. Every Tiffany lamp in this place can’t bend the light enough to completely distort the horror. There isn’t one little bud of truth in this place.

My only source of nourishment is that which is provided to the other animals who are lured and trapped. This Hunger Strike keeps me from the sawdust and swamp water feast. The supplies I brought along ran out a long time ago.

The name on this card was never mine. It’s my host’s and he doesn’t know it anyway. If I escape, it will be permanent. They’ll get lost in the mirrors when they try to find me.

The C240 is waiting for me in the parking lot, but I think that devise will fail me when I try to run. I’m sending a desperate message out in my last concealed bottle of forbidden wine. A plea for immunity regarding the regretted cavalier trade in- my childhood friend.

justam

I don't know what has driven you to this feeling, but I will say that forgiveness and grace are part of old traditions for a reason.

Hope and faith that tomorrow might be better is a good rope also.

Icantgetawayfromme

justam wrote:

I don't know what has driven you to this feeling, but I will say that forgiveness and grace are part of old traditions for a reason.

Hope and faith that tomorrow might be better is a good rope also.

My post is a puzzle. (a music puzzle)
My post is a confession.

A plea for help, although my only help can come from me.

justam

Icantgetawayfromme wrote:

My post is a puzzle. (a music puzzle)
My post is a confession.

A plea for help, although my only help can come from me.

I did notice that much, but the only help I could think of was to remind you that suicidal moods do pass if you hold on.

Icantgetawayfromme

justam wrote:

I did notice that much, but the only help I could think of was to remind you that suicidal moods do pass if you hold on.

Thank you for caring enough to read and respond.

I didn't intend for this message to sound 'suicidal', although I suppose the term may be appropriate in an unconventional sense.

Each of us is a complex "committee" of characters existing in the same body. Some characters are stronger than others, however, even the strongest character can be knocked into a coma given the right circumstances. When that happens, the 'weaker' characters are given a window of opportunity which makes it easy for them to take over. I think that's what happens when one's id takes control.

My message is about what happens when the stronger characters 'wake up' into a situation they're lost in. How is it possible to regain control within infamiliar and confusing circumstances without killing the 'characters' who are trying to retain it? And, if it is even possible to eliminate them, are you cutting yourself off from your only means of survival? Is it worth the risk for the already compromised and recovering part of yourself?

I'm not new on this board. I wanted to post this anonymously because I know people here listen. I didn't want the things people may already know about me to affect their reaction to the message.

One last thing, my 'awakening' happened the other night when a song came on the radio and brought clarity to my situation. I immediately wrote this in response, knowing it would only make sense to me and anyone who figured out the song.

violet ray

this is really interesting.

i've read your reply to justam three times now...still trying to grasp some of it...this is going to make me think a lot, i can see...

justam

Icantgetawayfromme wrote:

Thank you for caring enough to read and respond.

I didn't intend for this message to sound 'suicidal', although I suppose the term may be appropriate in an unconventional sense.

Each of us is a complex "committee" of characters existing in the same body. Some characters are stronger than others, however, even the strongest character can be knocked into a coma given the right circumstances. When that happens, the 'weaker' characters are given a window of opportunity which makes it easy for them to take over. I think that's what happens when one's id takes control.

My message is about what happens when the stronger characters 'wake up' into a situation they're lost in. How is it possible to regain control within infamiliar and confusing circumstances without killing the 'characters' who are trying to retain it? And, if it is even possible to eliminate them, are you cutting yourself off from your only means of survival? Is it worth the risk for the already compromised and recovering part of yourself?

I'm not new on this board. I wanted to post this anonymously because I know people here listen. I didn't want the things people may already know about me to affect their reaction to the message.

One last thing, my 'awakening' happened the other night when a song came on the radio and brought clarity to my situation. I immediately wrote this in response, knowing it would only make sense to me and anyone who figured out the song.

Your explanation of a competing cast of selves is interesting.

I'd say that a helpful way to manage this situation is to be unafraid of the less noble parts that emerge under stress and instead devise some kind of plan for the future to keep them from taking over. For example, if you know that when you work hard and don't sleep enough you do x, y, and z....1)find a way to water-down x, y, and z (turn it into something you don't need to be worried about) or 2) bring along a strong partner (who knows what it is that can happen) to help you stay on track.

I think everyone needs ways to cope with stressful situations--some ways are harmful (like drug or sex addictions) and some are harmless (like spending hours on a message board, or exercising, or collecting something unusual).

Icantgetawayfromme

justam wrote:

Your explanation of a competing cast of selves is interesting.

I'd say that a helpful way to manage this situation is to be unafraid of the less noble parts that emerge under stress and instead devise some kind of plan for the future to keep them from taking over. For example, if you know that when you work hard and don't sleep enough you do x, y, and z....1)find a way to water-down x, y, and z (turn it into something you don't need to be worried about) or 2) bring along a strong partner (who knows what it is that can happen) to help you stay on track.

I think everyone needs ways to cope with stressful situations--some ways are harmful (like drug or sex addictions) and some are harmless (like spending hours on a message board, or exercising, or collecting something unusual).

Check your PMs, your guess was correct.

Ali

Icantgetawayfromme wrote:

I think the nightman is still pulling for me. I think he’ll turn his head and pretend not to notice when (if?) I get brave enough to make my escape.

It’s a dark, lonely road out there, but I know it’s much scarier in here. It doesn’t seem like it right now, but there’s enough of me left that remembers the unprogrammed view. Every Tiffany lamp in this place can’t bend the light enough to completely distort the horror. There isn’t one little bud of truth in this place.

My only source of nourishment is that which is provided to the other animals who are lured and trapped. This Hunger Strike keeps me from the sawdust and swamp water feast. The supplies I brought along ran out a long time ago.

The name on this card was never mine. It’s my host’s and he doesn’t know it anyway. If I escape, it will be permanent. They’ll get lost in the mirrors when they try to find me.

The C240 is waiting for me in the parking lot, but I think that devise will fail me when I try to run. I’m sending a desperate message out in my last concealed bottle of forbidden wine. A plea for immunity regarding the regretted cavalier trade in- my childhood friend.

i wish I knew the song.You should Pm it to me.:)

grooveamatic

all i know is, this is written brilliantly.

Icantgetawayfromme

Ali wrote:

i wish I knew the song.You should Pm it to me.:)

It's based on my interpretation of a song and I'm about 80% positive you've heard it before. It's not a new song, but it's very mainstream.

I've heard many theories on the song. It's not a Pearl Jam song and, to my knowledge, they've never covered it.

grooveamatic

Icantgetawayfromme wrote:

It's based on my interpretation of a song and I'm about 80% positive you've heard it before. It's not a new song, but it's very mainstream.

I've heard many theories on the song. It's not a Pearl Jam song and, to my knowledge, they've never covered it.

Hotel California?

ISN

I thought this was crap and didn't even bother responding until I got the balls up to say it was crap......hey Groove, where have ya bin all my life?

grooveamatic

ISN wrote:

I thought this was crap and didn't even bother responding until I got the balls up to say it was crap......hey Groove, where have ya bin all my life?

Mostly Pennsylvania....New Jersey for a little bit.