2nd poem "Something"

NothinGBetteRPJMaN
NothinGBetteRPJMaN Posts: 530
edited September 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
This is the 2nd poem i wrote. Please comment on this even if you think it sucks tell me why it sucks. I just want any feedback since i just started writing.


"Something"

Dear Friend
There's something I need to tell you
Something that I can no longer push aside
Feelings of something I had to hide
because I feared somethings would change
But I finally have looked past my fears.

So as I look into your heart through your soft golden eyes
I know this is going to be hard and take you by surprise
But I am willing to risk everything we have
With these few words from deep in my heart
Promise me you won't walk away
but there's something I need to say: I love you.
*Official Marker in the Sand Fan Club Junkie*
Member # 0004

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • kdpjam
    kdpjam Posts: 2,303
    well written! nice picture painted.
    lay down all thoughts; surrender to the void
    ~it is shining it is shining~
  • NothinGBetteRPJMaN
    NothinGBetteRPJMaN Posts: 530
    Come on please a little feedback. You guys are the first people to ever read my poetry and I feel that i need some advice since i am new to writing.
    *Official Marker in the Sand Fan Club Junkie*
    Member # 0004

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
    decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
    he grew a beard.
  • lovin kind
    lovin kind Posts: 268
    in i love you
    and why

    because god made us
    thanks to everyone who can read what i write without having to say something mean

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