Broken Again

NothinGBetteRPJMaNNothinGBetteRPJMaN Posts: 530
edited November 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
lonely
loves me
more than you
nothing i can do
lie in pain
feel the rain
clouds my day
wish i could say
i love you
oh how i want to

come to me
im open
ready to be broken
again....again..again


I think this sucks dont you? I wrote this in like 5 minutes while drinking... now....i think thats the only time i let myself open nough to write.
*Official Marker in the Sand Fan Club Junkie*
Member # 0004

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • reeferchiefreeferchief Posts: 3,569
    I like it, simple and open, straight to the point using a similar theme to paint a picture, very good.:)
    Can not be arsed with life no more.
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    lonely
    loves me
    more than you
    nothing i can do
    lie in pain
    feel the rain
    clouds my day
    wish i could say
    i love you
    oh how i want to

    come to me
    im open
    ready to be broken
    again....again..again


    I think this sucks dont you? I wrote this in like 5 minutes while drinking... now....i think thats the only time i let myself open nough to write.

    i like it.

    i often used to write whilst drinking. sometimes it was shit, other times it could be a revelation.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • wow ya guys mean it?
    *Official Marker in the Sand Fan Club Junkie*
    Member # 0004

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
    decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
    he grew a beard.
  • gue_bariumgue_barium Posts: 5,515
    lonely
    loves me
    more than you
    nothing i can do
    lie in pain
    feel the rain
    clouds my day
    wish i could say
    i love you
    oh how i want to

    come to me
    im open
    ready to be broken
    again....again..again


    I think this sucks dont you? I wrote this in like 5 minutes while drinking... now....i think thats the only time i let myself open nough to write.

    The first four lines are good.

    lonely
    loves me
    more than you
    nothing i can do


    then you overwhelmed yourself.

    all posts by ©gue_barium are protected under US copyright law and are not to be reproduced, exchanged or sold
    except by express written permission of ©gue_barium, the author.
  • lonely
    loves me
    more than you
    nothing i can do


    come to me
    im open
    ready to be broken
    again....again..again


    I think this sucks dont you? I wrote this in like 5 minutes while drinking... now....i think thats the only time i let myself open nough to write.


    i really like these parts
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
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