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cartoonnightmarecartoonnightmare Posts: 52
edited June 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
it's like walking into a store
full of pure crystal sculptures
you know the ones
in the really expensive malls.
next to the Giorgio Armani store
and you are the most unique one
the most beautiful one
an extravagant gift i never thought i would own
one look at you and the tears begin
to fall
that something so lovely and beautiful
could be mine
it makes me feel so special
but you haven't done a thing
that's just the way you are
standing there, obliging me.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    I like the way this poem is constructed entirely as an extended simile. I enjoy the conversational voice here ("you know the ones") which personalises the telling of something remarkable happening in the middle of something commonplace. The only thing I'd change is the phrase "most unique" because "unique" is an absolute: Things can't be quite, rather, more or less unique, they're simply unique and that's that! This very minor point aside, I liked it.
  • cartoonnightmarecartoonnightmare Posts: 52
    thanks so much for your compliment Finsbury..motivates me to keep writing..

    thanks also for the "criticism" -- i will use it! ;)
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    Love-love-love!!!! :)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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