on the floor
movingfinger
Posts: 117
On the Floor
In a breath withheld
she moves through.
Moist foot falls
on lacquered wood
Release breath
Go into the dark
and pull her down.
Press into the coldness
and make it warm.
Puffing lung burns.
Skin clings to the
Dampness.
Ankles cling
to warm cotton.
On the floor,
she likes it.
Flickering match
leaves the
orange glow of
cigarette.
In a breath withheld
she moves through.
Moist foot falls
on lacquered wood
Release breath
Go into the dark
and pull her down.
Press into the coldness
and make it warm.
Puffing lung burns.
Skin clings to the
Dampness.
Ankles cling
to warm cotton.
On the floor,
she likes it.
Flickering match
leaves the
orange glow of
cigarette.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it
-- Omar Khayyam
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it
-- Omar Khayyam
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
that was really interesting.
had to read it twice.
but it's well written I think.
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it
-- Omar Khayyam
you're welcome!
I know what you mean, I almost never feel (completely) happy about my poems.
but it makes me feel good/better if someone likes them.
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it
-- Omar Khayyam
I know it is.
I think you should get rid of all the punctuation, because it's not quite right, and get rid of all the capitals, this stands better as a grouping of images, slamming together to make a story