the nightmare demo
velvet I site
Posts: 192
here's some writing i have been working on... may still need a final coat of overhaul before i try to spread it commercially.. but probably nothing too major unless i receive some legitimate critiques that demand changes be made...
please, if you take the time to read it... i am seriously looking for some feedback as i work to complete the somewhat companion 2nd and 3rd essays. thanks!
http://www.geocities.com/billiam_breeze/index.html
p.s. that picture was created by someone in photoshop, seems humorously fitting to me..
some of my images can be found here:
http://community.webshots.com/user/trae0
[i only use computers to share!]
please, if you take the time to read it... i am seriously looking for some feedback as i work to complete the somewhat companion 2nd and 3rd essays. thanks!
http://www.geocities.com/billiam_breeze/index.html
p.s. that picture was created by someone in photoshop, seems humorously fitting to me..
some of my images can be found here:
http://community.webshots.com/user/trae0
[i only use computers to share!]
change begins with discontent.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
thats mighty kind of you Being. really, no rush on feedback i know it is a bit lengthy and whatnot. really i just wanted to state my BUMP in the form of a question;)
thanks to all who show interest!
Although it is tight, it is however, dense...a little too dense. I think this can be fixed with something as simple as cutting down the Heideggerian block paragraphs, and capitulating to a slightly simpler focus line for each point in the essay. The blocks of text are simply too large and meandering, and it detracts from an extremely well spoken essay.
One line that jumped out was "the benevolence of Hittler's fascism" - I think making a claim like this needs a lot of exposition, and since is simply a historical notch in the timeline of the essay you're probably better off re-wording it, or cutting it out entirely.
My feeling from reading the essay, and this may not be entirely valid since I only read it through once, and it deserves a few reads to do any justice to the criticism; is that there is a single fatalistic flaw.
You make a number of inroads to biology, the repeated mention of species and evolution, etc, however these words are offset by the demand of individuals within a species, individual happiness, greatness through sacrifice, when I think something crucial that is totally ignored, especially within the American construct, is the family as the main social unit. In a nation of immigrants the first priority is almost always to make a better life for their children, the joys of parenthood and procreation need to be addressed here I think, if one is attempting to understand the importance of art and what drives it. Norman Rockwell is an american icon, and it is not landscapes that drive him. Our nature is inherently linked to our ability to "settle" and that word usually implies a family. I may be way off base here, but it was a buzzing I felt in the back of my head while reading through the whole essay.
Really impressive work though. Good luck with publishing it.
okay, wow. gotta say thanks--cant really emphasize it properly here but i'm honestly feeling good after reading your reponse, and that very rarely ever happens when i show any of my stuff to others.
you're reading appears to be fairly accurate, and i have to give you the credit for exposing the lack of a conclusion towards the relevance of family life/conditions in sociological matters. it's such a tough subject, i mean there just is no objective way to properly live and raise children and think and behave and it goes on etc...
so yeah, i'm still working on that one.. but let me say the comment that your head was buzzing is the second most promising reaction ive ever gotten from displaying work for people. really i need to apologize because all of the work appears out of the context which it is intended to fit into.. honestly though i am grateful for the feedback--which is definately very well written by the way--because it's important for me to get an idea of how some of the pieces might stand-up individually.
great call with norman rockwell--greatest american artist EVER? okay maybe not, but maybe.
anyway.. i dont mean to downplay the other comments you made either, all of them were definately relevant and accurate to my perspective. im not really sure how i want to approach the stylistic issues finally, everything is sort of a growing process so i may yet edit this a fair amount in relation to the other pieces. the hitler thing is kind of a moot point for me because if someone wishes to argue his benevolence then the entire point has been missed anyways and the argument is irrelevant.. but who could argue that anyway?
finally, i'm glad you liked the merkiness, i mean murkiness, and i was definately being serious about the quality of your responses earlier--spoken like a true compatriot!
ah no big deal.. deadlines are my arch-nemeses!
LET THE FLOW FLOWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
thanks PM, i actually lived in that shipwreck! past tense?--makes much more sense..
ahh you know.. but seriously thanks, i've always been a bit fond of that image [hence you see it!;)]. i think my favorite part is the duff can. okay it's really the camera, i'm really a tool. i'm still working on a better title, like maybe 'art sauce' or something, but i may end-up just numbering it or whatever.
Glad I could be of service. Where exactly are you intending to publish this, or essays like it? The only thing I can think of are academic journals, but you may have something in mind.
been thinking DIY?--but i have a friend who runs a university press, so maybe i'll buy him a case of brew-ha-ha's?
The currency of Academia
at least for the smart half of it;)!!!