Dropping leaf
Jobbe
Posts: 20
Let the sunrays reach my thoughts
Through the fog of this delusion
I’m a leaf of brown and withered
Falling from a tree of pure confusion
Stretching branches toward a covered void…
Sunrays, let my surface be shun on
Sunrays, turn me into mould
I am a dropping leaf…
Through the fog of this delusion
I’m a leaf of brown and withered
Falling from a tree of pure confusion
Stretching branches toward a covered void…
Sunrays, let my surface be shun on
Sunrays, turn me into mould
I am a dropping leaf…
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Interesting imagery. One question though - I am having trouble making any sense (grammatically speaking) on your line:
I'm a leaf of brown and withered
If you remove the "of" it makes sense but you need a verb in there with those adjectives right?
I'm thinking English isn't the poet's first language and this is a transliteration of a phrase written or conceptualised in another tongue. The "of" is of course redundant in English, unless one wrote "I'm a leaf of withered brown", turning "brown" into an adjectival noun. I'd prefer "I'm a leaf, withered and brown", with the two adjectives intact though.
I like this poem too. "Let my surface be shun on" might read "Let my surface be shone on", but then, I like the perhaps accidental pun on "shun" as in "shunned".
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
I see your point in the grammatic confusing but it's supposed to be understood "I'm a leaf of brown and (I'm) withered". As in "leaf" and "brown" are closely attached to each other. In other words, I'm not a leaf without being brown... furthermore, I'm withered
Thx for the praising words, btw
I love it the way it's worded. This is poetry, not sentence graphing, and if we're not allowed to seriously fuck with language then what the hell are we allowed to do? The syntactical switcheroo made me work to get the image, but not too much. Doing that mental syllogistic work makes the image come clearer and stick in the mind....good work indeed, Jobbe.