Unkind But I Am Still

anxietyplease

What it takes to let go,
I don't think I can do it alone.
I don't want to do it like this,
I can't imagine the warmth of release.
The comfort that I seek,
How it never seems to end.
Always seeking for the comfort.
Always looking to see whose watching,
So I can bother them with my unholiness.
So I can unload my misfortunes.
I wish I burned brighter then the light I am,
For I have continued to search for ease.
I have obsessed about finding me.
I cannot tell you how hard this has been,
All the battles I fought in shame.
All the loses I came into.
All those nights I couldn't bare alone.
And you know when I am gaining,
You see when I fail.
There's one thing that I keep,
I cannot tear apart.
I am miserable this way,
I am lost inside this enormous way.
So uncertain of how long,
Or how come.
But I will keep on me.
I will bring my light no matter how dull.
To you in yourself.
And make my promise to fight again.
Even the pains that make me,
Even the lies that break me,
I have been constantly moving from and from.
I don't want to remember.
But forgetting will erase me.
So I will give you me,
I will save the last of her for your life.
How you have loved me, I have loved well enough.
And I do my best to look taller then these smallnesses.
What my make-up is made of.
I will do my best to let go,
But not it all, these are who I am now.