I Wear Your Death on My Shoulders
anxietyplease
Posts: 48
I heard you hung yourself.
That you hung upon your mother's log cabin porch.
With a note semi sarcastic, semi sane.
And I pictured you, dead.
Did your eyes stay open, did they close?
Why did you do that???
I kept telling myself that it's not real...but as I walked towards your casket, my knees gave out.
I cried so hard for you.
Your selfishness has taken part of me with you.
I used to know you well, you were like my brother.
And I just keep thinking that if I knew how sad you were...if I knew you anymore...I would have been there for you.
Why didn't you hold on????
You should have held on just alittle longer...I would have caught up to you Jay.
I would have tried to make you see that you really weren't that alone.
All these people that came to your wake.
And I left that place in a daze...went to the nearest bar and took a shot of Comfort for you.
I can't believe you're gone.
You really did die.
You really did commit suicide...and now I can't sleep.
You hung yourself the day before my birthday...and you were 27.
You wanted this...this pain for everyone to feel.
I can't stop thinking about you hanging by your neck on your mother's porch.
I can't stop thinking about what could have been going through your head to make you really do this.
How alone you must have felt.
The last few days you were on this earth...how they were the days that made you want to die.
I wear your death on my shoulders, as does everyone.
And you will never get to heaven.
I feel like you aren't dead.
That you killed yourself and saw how many people mourn for you so you are on your way back.
How unreal this all feels.
How sad I am.
I keep thinking about you.
How you always made me laugh, and I remeber everytime we cried.
You're gone Jay.
Don't you want to come back now???
Don't you just wish you never fucked yourself like this???
I just can't come to terms with this, hung yourself on the part of the log cabin that sticks out alittle more than the rest.
Your home Jay...your mother has to live the rest of her life there.
And the firetruck had to use the ladder to reach you.
You asshole.
Like a horror film...she had to look at her dead son until someone was able to get your lifeless body down.
I wear your death on my shoulders...because you were my friend and I miss you.
And I never knew what this felt like until you.
I will love you even though you couldn't.
That you hung upon your mother's log cabin porch.
With a note semi sarcastic, semi sane.
And I pictured you, dead.
Did your eyes stay open, did they close?
Why did you do that???
I kept telling myself that it's not real...but as I walked towards your casket, my knees gave out.
I cried so hard for you.
Your selfishness has taken part of me with you.
I used to know you well, you were like my brother.
And I just keep thinking that if I knew how sad you were...if I knew you anymore...I would have been there for you.
Why didn't you hold on????
You should have held on just alittle longer...I would have caught up to you Jay.
I would have tried to make you see that you really weren't that alone.
All these people that came to your wake.
And I left that place in a daze...went to the nearest bar and took a shot of Comfort for you.
I can't believe you're gone.
You really did die.
You really did commit suicide...and now I can't sleep.
You hung yourself the day before my birthday...and you were 27.
You wanted this...this pain for everyone to feel.
I can't stop thinking about you hanging by your neck on your mother's porch.
I can't stop thinking about what could have been going through your head to make you really do this.
How alone you must have felt.
The last few days you were on this earth...how they were the days that made you want to die.
I wear your death on my shoulders, as does everyone.
And you will never get to heaven.
I feel like you aren't dead.
That you killed yourself and saw how many people mourn for you so you are on your way back.
How unreal this all feels.
How sad I am.
I keep thinking about you.
How you always made me laugh, and I remeber everytime we cried.
You're gone Jay.
Don't you want to come back now???
Don't you just wish you never fucked yourself like this???
I just can't come to terms with this, hung yourself on the part of the log cabin that sticks out alittle more than the rest.
Your home Jay...your mother has to live the rest of her life there.
And the firetruck had to use the ladder to reach you.
You asshole.
Like a horror film...she had to look at her dead son until someone was able to get your lifeless body down.
I wear your death on my shoulders...because you were my friend and I miss you.
And I never knew what this felt like until you.
I will love you even though you couldn't.
"If it takes my whole life, I won't break I won't bend."
-S. McLachlan
-S. McLachlan
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
It may be more effective if it was less conversational.
All in all, I like it quite a bit.
-S. McLachlan
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
...... its disgusting when you're helpless ....
nice real poem ..
take care ..
-S. McLachlan
that's very beautiful and very worth remembering. Thank you for sharing it.
Try to support and find strength in each other.
Take care
it only makes today worse.
-S. McLachlan
good.
let me know which potty mouthed poem you decide to read to your friend.
"the choice was his even though it's hard to understand."
Anna, that's very true and it reminds me of the ending of Erica Jong's poem about Sylvia Plath's suicide:
what could we tell you
after you dove down into yourself
& were swallowed
by your poems?
-S. McLachlan
If I continue to remind myself how selfish he was in doing this, I can find comfort in my anger rather then my pain.
I consider you all great poeple for, in a way, being there for me.
-S. McLachlan