Letting Go

Kovo

The room hadn't changed, same posters on the wall.
She kept it locked, a reminder of it all.
She never moved anything from it's place,
Not even the pain that still showed in her face.
She was like a mother before it all went down.
It was the first time in years that I've come around.
She smiles, trying to fake some cheer,
But it fades, we both know why I'm here.
Her son, my friend, a few years ago had died,
It tears me up how he went,
suicide.

At the service she broke down, and asked me why?
It was the only time I remember when I fell apart and cried.
I couldn't answer her then, it took me all this time.
But I realise the answers her's more then it is mine.
I used to get so mad and depressed for weeks on end.
How couldn't I know something this important about the best of my friends?
So I've come here for closure, a way to let me live.
I hadn't done anything wrong, but there was something to forgive.
But before I could ask, she took out the holiest of grails,
His journal, he told it everything when as a friend I had failed.
I recognised the torn cover, and bent pages too.
It represented freedom and everything I thought I knew.
Without a word she flipped the pages to the back.
The answer was there, a page of white with burden lifting black.

"I'm not sure if anyone will read this, but it's good to know I left this somewhere. I can't explain anything, I don't know how. But I want everyone to know they weren't the cause, they were the reason I stayed so long. Don't blame yourselves, and I hope you won't blame me.
Mom, you were the best mother I could have, thanks for making me feel loved. I'm so sorry, I can't stand the thought of you in tears.
Andrew, thanks for always being there, through thick and thin you were there to pull me up, even when I hated you for it, and I love you for that. I'm sorry I can't repay you for what you've done so many times.
I love you all."

The price of letting go hurt more then a self hating lie.
I said goodbye, made it to the door, before I cried.
It was when I shut the car door that I let it all go.
I sat there for hours letting my pain show.
But my friends letter did what it was written for.
Though it hurt so bad, I didn't blame myself anymore.

Ali

My sympathy goes out to you,my friend.....

allison

pacifier

that had me in tears. I'm so glad you can forgive yourself now. My best friend came so close to suicide a number of times. She's told me more than once if it wasn't for me she wouldn't be here. I imagined this scenario so many times in my head, so glad I never had to live it. My love goes out to you. I hope you have some peace now. and your friend.

depopulationINC

Amazing...simply amazing.

twin2

That was very deep, emotional, and well written. I too was in tears.

Being Enlightened

VERY moving, yes, to tears... So sorry for your loss and glad you were able to forgive yourself! Oye, that's hard! {{{Kovo}}}