So she says

AicAic Posts: 9
edited March 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
A sad story. Low lit life in terms of sorrow
The feelings are torn after abuse
just to amuse. Him

She turns up at his door just to be let out
in the cold. She catches and fever strikes
giving a strange feeling. A burning fever
a burning feeling

She know it to well, she know it. First time
no. Last time. She do not think so.
With the though it never leaves. Sticks around to show.
Up. Everytime he sees

Through his window. At her in the cold
catching the fever he threw, so long. If only she
knew. Him

Sleep it out today leave it out tonight. So she says
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    clouds roll by
    reeling is what they say
    or is it just my way
    wind goes by
    low light
    sidetracked
    low light
    can't see my tracks
    your scent...way back
    can i be here all alone?
    clear a path to my home
    blood runs dry
    books and jealousy tell me wrong
    i will feel calm
    voice blows by
    low light
    car crash
    low light
    can't wear my mask
    your first, my last
    voice goes by
    two birds is what they'll see
    getting lost upon their way
    wind rolls by
    low light
    eyesight
    low light
    i need the light
    i'll find my way from wrong
    what's real, the dream i see
  • oldermanolderman Posts: 1,765
    Aic wrote:
    A sad story. Low lit life in terms of sorrow
    The feelings are torn after abuse
    just to amuse. Him

    She turns up at his door just to be let out
    in the cold. She catches and fever strikes
    giving a strange feeling. A burning fever
    a burning feeling

    She know it to well, she know it. First time
    no. Last time. She do not think so.
    With the though it never leaves. Sticks around to show.
    Up. Everytime he sees

    Through his window. At her in the cold
    catching the fever he threw, so long. If only she
    knew. Him

    Sleep it out today leave it out tonight. So she says

    it's good.. thanks.
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • oldermanolderman Posts: 1,765
    PastaNazi wrote:
    clouds roll by
    reeling is what they say
    or is it just my way
    wind goes by
    low light
    sidetracked
    low light
    can't see my tracks
    your scent...way back
    can i be here all alone?
    clear a path to my home
    blood runs dry
    books and jealousy tell me wrong
    i will feel calm
    voice blows by
    low light
    car crash
    low light
    can't wear my mask
    your first, my last
    voice goes by
    two birds is what they'll see
    getting lost upon their way
    wind rolls by
    low light
    eyesight
    low light
    i need the light
    i'll find my way from wrong
    what's real, the dream i see

    I'm crankin' LATG Right NOW!!
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • AicAic Posts: 9
    I asume you think that I took inspiration in low light? Well actually not - never even heard the song.

    The poem is for a friend of mine, she has a quite tragic story
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    no. not supposing you took that line at all
    your poem just made me think of it

    it is a really good song, you should listen when you get a chance

    very deeply felt prottery, though
    interesting you could pull that emotion from another's experience
    it's so personal

    good job, if I may say so
  • AicAic Posts: 9
    ah, okay. I'm sorry if I was a bit rough in my answer just had a bad day :)

    Will listen to it anytime soon, and thank you all for the critic.

    cheers
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    totally cool...

    i read your first post, too... you have quite a bit of talent, in my opinion... good luck with it :)
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    PastaNazi condescends to be nice......

    red heifer reaches 3 years old in Israel.....

    ISN is pissed off.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    lol

    goader
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