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well...my first song

pearljam7pearljam7 Posts: 447
edited October 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
this is my first song...
i just wrote it in like 15 minutes...
i wrote it right after listening to 4/12/02, so if it sounds similar ("all you fools..") thats why

here.

so all you fools
stay in your rooms
watching them
doing things..

your not..
what you say you are
you are...
your gallon of blood

keeping..contained --> couldnt think of another word
watch your news, while i play the blues
play your games...




its kinda just ends
so i need to work on it alot
but tell me what you think
5/4/2006, 5/12/2006, 5/13/2006, 6/1/2006, 6/3/2006, 6/24/2008, 6/25/2008, 6/27/2008, 6/30/2008, 8/4/08, 8/5/08, 8/7/08
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    pearljam7 wrote:
    this is my first song...
    i just wrote it in like 15 minutes...
    i wrote it right after listening to 4/12/02, so if it sounds similar ("all you fools..") thats why

    here.

    so all you fools
    stay in your rooms
    watching them
    doing things..

    your not..
    what you say you are
    you are...
    your gallon of blood





    its kinda just ends
    so i need to work on it alot
    but tell me what you think


    keeping..contained... I'll refrain
    watch your news, while i play the blues
    play your game...
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • NothinGBetteRPJMaNNothinGBetteRPJMaN Posts: 530
    I really like it so far but I do think you should add some more words and you could make it even better but its all up to you.

    Ive got some nice ideas and if you want Ill post em for you, but I dont wanna just tell you unless you want someone elses help.

    Good Work!
    *Official Marker in the Sand Fan Club Junkie*
    Member # 0004

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
    decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
    he grew a beard.
  • pearljam7pearljam7 Posts: 447
    i liked that bit up there
    its kinda like a skeleton
    ill work more on it tonight
    post any of your ideas
    i would be grateful (sp?)
    5/4/2006, 5/12/2006, 5/13/2006, 6/1/2006, 6/3/2006, 6/24/2008, 6/25/2008, 6/27/2008, 6/30/2008, 8/4/08, 8/5/08, 8/7/08
  • pearljam7pearljam7 Posts: 447
    ill call it 11/3/04 (to play on 4/12/02)
    because that was the day i was thinking about when writing this
    5/4/2006, 5/12/2006, 5/13/2006, 6/1/2006, 6/3/2006, 6/24/2008, 6/25/2008, 6/27/2008, 6/30/2008, 8/4/08, 8/5/08, 8/7/08
  • NothinGBetteRPJMaNNothinGBetteRPJMaN Posts: 530
    pearljam7 wrote:
    this is my first song...
    i just wrote it in like 15 minutes...
    i wrote it right after listening to 4/12/02, so if it sounds similar ("all you fools..") thats why

    here.

    so all you fools
    stay in your rooms
    watching them
    doing things..

    your not..
    what you say you are
    you are...
    your gallon of blood

    keeping..contained --> couldnt think of another word
    watch your news, while i play the blues
    play your games...

    You'll never lose.(or any phrase ending with lose)


    Thats what I' add from there but its up to you
    *Official Marker in the Sand Fan Club Junkie*
    Member # 0004

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
    decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
    he grew a beard.
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