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short one

dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
edited February 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
As you lie beneath a sea of flowers
I lie in monochromatic apathy
Clocks only show the darkest hours
but your pillow still talks to me.
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I like this a lot. The flowers, the dark, the clock and pillow are indexes of a whole underlying narrative of love, loss and loneliness. You tell a story by showing it. And I love the subtle interplay between monochrome apathy and clocks that show only the darkest hours. There's a lot in these four lines. Thanks for sharing this one.
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    Cheers Fins :)

    I feel like a ninja who has just been given a new throwing star by the Master Ninja.
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    that is funny......do you feel ninjistic......startastic?
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    As you lie beneath a sea of flowers
    I lie in monochromatic apathy
    Clocks only show the darkest hours
    but your pillow still talks to me

    Dunky, this is beautiful - is it your first poem in the poetry section? I think Fins analysed it very well, and I hope you contribute more where this one came from......
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • eMMIeMMI Posts: 6,262
    oh my this one's good! :)
    nice surprise to see something like this. you've brought back my love for short poems!!! :)
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    eMMI wrote:
    oh my this one's good! :)
    nice surprise to see something like this. you've brought back my love for short poems!!! :)

    thanks Emms :)

    I just read some of yours and they are very good!!
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • eMMIeMMI Posts: 6,262
    dunkman1974 wrote:
    thanks Emms :)

    I just read some of yours and they are very good!!

    twas my pleasure. :)

    oh thank you. thank you very much! :)
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    I'm glad this this one was brought back to the surface. This has to be one of thee best short poems I've ever read, dunkman! It's so sad and yearning and beautiful to me. :) You should share more here!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    Being Enlightened wrote:
    I'm glad this this one was brought back to the surface. This has to be one of thee best short poems I've ever read, dunkman! It's so sad and yearning and beautiful to me. :) You should share more here!

    Thanks very much... :o

    if my head gets any bigger i'll look like an insanely handsome version of John Merrick! :)

    thanks again folks!
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    dunkman1974 wrote:
    Thanks very much... :o

    if my head gets any bigger i'll look like an insanely handsome version of John Merrick! :)

    thanks again folks!

    HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! :D:D LMFAO!! Oh man!!! :D Tee hee!! You're a riot!

    {{{dunkman1974}}} You're welcome.
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
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