History of Creation Part 2 - in 1.28
dunkman
Posts: 19,646
So Adam and Eve are forced out of the garden…and Adams staring at Eve
“you bastard… he’s put clothes on you….oh that’s just taking the piss….cut your own fucking grass in future and do your own weeding”
God says “No need... I have invented concrete and asphalt.”
Adam: “…but the clothes…why????”
And so somehow Adam & Eve have two sons… Michael Caine and Abel…. Abel’s the hot favourite and gets given a Scalectrix for his birthday while Michael Caine just gets a stick and a tub of mud… and this makes Michael Caine very angry and he kills his brother…. Using the birthday stick... he pokes it into the engine of Abel’s new Porsche….”Oh fuck I was only supposed to blow the bloody doors off” and Abel dies.
So Michael Caine is sentenced to wander the earth as a fugitive and star in loads of films about Zulus and stuff…. But not ironically The Fugitive…. That part went to Harrison Flood, brother of Noah… and after wandering the earth for a wee while he finally gets tired and falls asleep in the Land of Nod….near Slumberland where all the mattresses are made. And he has two sisters for wives and they have babies, made out of glue and rocks…
Then Michael Caine’s son, errr Brian builds a city out of Lego or something and has even more children… presumably with his sisters, for the bible is set in Appalachia. And all of Michael Caine’s family forget about god and worry about things like America in Terror and gay people and important stuff like ‘why do wizards have big cuffs?… the cuffs will just get in the way of all the spells and stuff”.
But Adam and Eve are still living in Dunstable and are trying desperately for more kids…
“what you doing”
“I’m putting my testicles in icy water… supposed to help with fertility”
“well I’ll just carry on eating my oysters until you are ready then”
and they manage to have more kids… Seth is born and he ably replaces Abel, who is unable to continue in this fable Mable…. And this side of the family are told of god and how nice he is, even though he made them wear clothes and chucked them out of his garden, and no-one speaks of Michael Caine, even though he is a successful film actor and his sons are highly respected civil engineers.
“would one like a cup of tea whilst I assemble this bridge”
“why that’d be lovely… your very polite for an engineer”
“I’m a civil engineer… its mechanical engineers who are abhorrent creatures”
“that’s nice then… fancy a Victoria sponge finger”
and adam dies aged 930… which was a shame as the last 129 years of his life were bed-ridden…. But not in the Land of Nod, which would have been comfier.
And that’s it
“you bastard… he’s put clothes on you….oh that’s just taking the piss….cut your own fucking grass in future and do your own weeding”
God says “No need... I have invented concrete and asphalt.”
Adam: “…but the clothes…why????”
And so somehow Adam & Eve have two sons… Michael Caine and Abel…. Abel’s the hot favourite and gets given a Scalectrix for his birthday while Michael Caine just gets a stick and a tub of mud… and this makes Michael Caine very angry and he kills his brother…. Using the birthday stick... he pokes it into the engine of Abel’s new Porsche….”Oh fuck I was only supposed to blow the bloody doors off” and Abel dies.
So Michael Caine is sentenced to wander the earth as a fugitive and star in loads of films about Zulus and stuff…. But not ironically The Fugitive…. That part went to Harrison Flood, brother of Noah… and after wandering the earth for a wee while he finally gets tired and falls asleep in the Land of Nod….near Slumberland where all the mattresses are made. And he has two sisters for wives and they have babies, made out of glue and rocks…
Then Michael Caine’s son, errr Brian builds a city out of Lego or something and has even more children… presumably with his sisters, for the bible is set in Appalachia. And all of Michael Caine’s family forget about god and worry about things like America in Terror and gay people and important stuff like ‘why do wizards have big cuffs?… the cuffs will just get in the way of all the spells and stuff”.
But Adam and Eve are still living in Dunstable and are trying desperately for more kids…
“what you doing”
“I’m putting my testicles in icy water… supposed to help with fertility”
“well I’ll just carry on eating my oysters until you are ready then”
and they manage to have more kids… Seth is born and he ably replaces Abel, who is unable to continue in this fable Mable…. And this side of the family are told of god and how nice he is, even though he made them wear clothes and chucked them out of his garden, and no-one speaks of Michael Caine, even though he is a successful film actor and his sons are highly respected civil engineers.
“would one like a cup of tea whilst I assemble this bridge”
“why that’d be lovely… your very polite for an engineer”
“I’m a civil engineer… its mechanical engineers who are abhorrent creatures”
“that’s nice then… fancy a Victoria sponge finger”
and adam dies aged 930… which was a shame as the last 129 years of his life were bed-ridden…. But not in the Land of Nod, which would have been comfier.
And that’s it
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
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Comments
thats mildly amusing :(
did you read part one... its one second shorter, but twice as fewer words than the one previous to the one before it
http://www.myspace.com/brain_of_c