History of Creation in 1:27mins
dunkman
Posts: 19,646
So then…. First god created the world or universe in 7 days… 7 days of no sleeping and fusing plates together…. Mountain here… valley there… I’ll sellotape the plates together later… too fuckin busy… put all these big earthy bits together and… its like a big jigsaw this… but whats a jigsaw… I haven’t invented jigsaws yet…. Add to list – no137 invent jigsaws and photomosaics
it was a xmas present from gods mum…. "Here you are son, an earth photomosaic – that should keep you busy for a few weeks” 7 days later and gods pulling at his mothers big white beard… “mum… mum I finished the photomosaics” In 7 days? “yeah… well 6 days really… I had a lie in yesterday..anyway it was easy…. I just threw in all the crusts together… have we got any sellotape?… the left hand side of America is looking a bit shakey… and I created Japan right on top of one of the big joins… the hot stuff underneath was a bugger though… but it comes with a warranty… so I’m just gonna sellotape it for now.
Then after his 7 days were up he smoked a pipe and put on his slippers… he was on continental shift systems with Allah and Jehovah and Marky Marky from the Funky Bunch… but the other gods weren’t bothered and decided not to turn up for their shifts and went go karting instead…
So god waited another few thousand years and then invented Adam, as he was bored of playing on the Playstation by himself… and so Adam was created… but then they both got bored of each other and would fight endlessly over who was best at Tekken I…. So Adam gave names to all the animals in his garden and was still lonely… but if god had made Adam a welshman and Adam had met the sheep… end of story… no Eve??
he got Adam to eat tiny mushrooms so he wouldn’t feel any pain and god ripped out an ankle or a thorax or something and made Eve, … and Adam and Eve lived in this garden that god had especially designed by the same guy who did Babylon.....but god wasn’t doing any weeding… noooo that was Adams job... that and making spice racks… Eve, for you, I have invented a dyson and you may hoover up the lawn and bake cherry scones…. But don’t eat any of the apples that I have made so gloriously juicy and colourful… eat lychees and coconuts instead… "but god the coconuts are so hard to get into and the lychees don’t have the correct consistency for cooking"… well Eve there are other fruits in here.... go search for them…. Just don’t take those apples as I’m…. ehhh… keeping them for …eh…..bring an Apple to School Day…
So Eve really wants apples… I must have apples to make my crumble…. I need the pips from the apple…. that Gladys Knight is gonna get them first....must get seeds..... I’m sure of it!! That bitch can wait her turn... Then a snake comes out of the tree and tells Eve to eat one of the apples and Eve’s saying “that fuckin adam has been putting those mushrooms into my cocoa again hasn’t he… and the snake says “noooo I'm real... i just have the ability to speak".... and so the serpent becomes the worlds first drugs pusher "go on Eve.... you know you want to... one bite won't do you any harm..... you can give it up easily...... i have apples every day.... look at me, no doctors and clean fangs" so Eve takes a bite of the apple... yummy.... and Adam take a bite also... and gods annoyed now because his apple project has been fucked up and now he'll have to take a cherry scone or a coconut.....and zeus always takes coconuts....bastard.... so Adam and Eve are driven out of the garden... in a limo, big white limo... cos god didn't want to appear too cruel..... aaaarrggghhh you ate one of my apples.... i sentence you to die a horrible death and I curse this earth that you walk on and... well get out of my landscaped garden.... and Adams like "wait up there daddio... death and an eternal curse for biting an apple.... bit harsh isn't it".... mmmmm is a bit but I have to go with it you understand.. gods will n'all..... Adam says fair enough......so then they are driven out in the limo by an angel with a flaming sword...and thats it
it was a xmas present from gods mum…. "Here you are son, an earth photomosaic – that should keep you busy for a few weeks” 7 days later and gods pulling at his mothers big white beard… “mum… mum I finished the photomosaics” In 7 days? “yeah… well 6 days really… I had a lie in yesterday..anyway it was easy…. I just threw in all the crusts together… have we got any sellotape?… the left hand side of America is looking a bit shakey… and I created Japan right on top of one of the big joins… the hot stuff underneath was a bugger though… but it comes with a warranty… so I’m just gonna sellotape it for now.
Then after his 7 days were up he smoked a pipe and put on his slippers… he was on continental shift systems with Allah and Jehovah and Marky Marky from the Funky Bunch… but the other gods weren’t bothered and decided not to turn up for their shifts and went go karting instead…
So god waited another few thousand years and then invented Adam, as he was bored of playing on the Playstation by himself… and so Adam was created… but then they both got bored of each other and would fight endlessly over who was best at Tekken I…. So Adam gave names to all the animals in his garden and was still lonely… but if god had made Adam a welshman and Adam had met the sheep… end of story… no Eve??
he got Adam to eat tiny mushrooms so he wouldn’t feel any pain and god ripped out an ankle or a thorax or something and made Eve, … and Adam and Eve lived in this garden that god had especially designed by the same guy who did Babylon.....but god wasn’t doing any weeding… noooo that was Adams job... that and making spice racks… Eve, for you, I have invented a dyson and you may hoover up the lawn and bake cherry scones…. But don’t eat any of the apples that I have made so gloriously juicy and colourful… eat lychees and coconuts instead… "but god the coconuts are so hard to get into and the lychees don’t have the correct consistency for cooking"… well Eve there are other fruits in here.... go search for them…. Just don’t take those apples as I’m…. ehhh… keeping them for …eh…..bring an Apple to School Day…
So Eve really wants apples… I must have apples to make my crumble…. I need the pips from the apple…. that Gladys Knight is gonna get them first....must get seeds..... I’m sure of it!! That bitch can wait her turn... Then a snake comes out of the tree and tells Eve to eat one of the apples and Eve’s saying “that fuckin adam has been putting those mushrooms into my cocoa again hasn’t he… and the snake says “noooo I'm real... i just have the ability to speak".... and so the serpent becomes the worlds first drugs pusher "go on Eve.... you know you want to... one bite won't do you any harm..... you can give it up easily...... i have apples every day.... look at me, no doctors and clean fangs" so Eve takes a bite of the apple... yummy.... and Adam take a bite also... and gods annoyed now because his apple project has been fucked up and now he'll have to take a cherry scone or a coconut.....and zeus always takes coconuts....bastard.... so Adam and Eve are driven out of the garden... in a limo, big white limo... cos god didn't want to appear too cruel..... aaaarrggghhh you ate one of my apples.... i sentence you to die a horrible death and I curse this earth that you walk on and... well get out of my landscaped garden.... and Adams like "wait up there daddio... death and an eternal curse for biting an apple.... bit harsh isn't it".... mmmmm is a bit but I have to go with it you understand.. gods will n'all..... Adam says fair enough......so then they are driven out in the limo by an angel with a flaming sword...and thats it
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
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Comments
I like the part especially when God lets em take the limo outta town.
I wouldve personally taken the Jag.:)Or the 'cedes.:)
Very inventive.
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
dunkman, you are definitely one that knows....life is too serious to take seriously! Cheers to you
I have put creation part 2 up and strangely it only lasts 1 second longer!
Cheers for reading, even though I know how shit and miss it is
http://www.myspace.com/brain_of_c
who? David Gray
holy shit, god's architect is a brit! who knew? dunkman, you knew this and have been keeping it a secret for all these, for shame!
Seriously i like this version better, but maybe it's just i could make a reference to david gray . . . please forgive me, i know not what i do
okay no more Babblin' On
fuck me.
The poison from the poison stream caught up to you ELEVEN years ago and you floated out of here. Sept. 14, 08