very short poem called No Return

Banana-Rama

I still remember that day
Everything is still in it's same old place
Right where you left it

Ripped out of everyday normal lives
Come the headlines
"Hey, at least it's not me"

'Cause behind the news is a human face
Things are not so faceless
When they are happening to you



I hoped to make it longer but had writers block and thought it still sounded cool. If I think of more lines, I will put them in later but for now I like what I have.

Any thoughts on it?????

Karas

Banana-Rama wrote:

I still remember that day
Everything is still in it's same old place
Right where you left it

Ripped out of everyday normal lives
Come the headlines
"Hey, at least it's not me"

'Cause behind the news is a human face
Things are not so faceless

Behind the news its another day
and it all seems so useless,

BUt if i can be strong,
and I can survive,
It may be me that helps to revive
the hope and the dreams,
the movement of the people,
the forward progress of this day...

But i come back to today,
the same day as before
right where you left it



*** here are some thoughts...at the end of what you wrote, i thought it was building speed, so i went with that, added a little rhyme, and then cam back...I wanted to make this longer but don't have the privacy to do that right now...but i like the idea of slow, then building speed, then slow again, then building more speed, then slow again...Its kind of like how things are..you cant do it all now, and problems happen (the slow) but then you catch a break, and you pick up speed and things start moving (the fast paced rhyme) and then problems/reality hit, and you slow down, etc. etc.

likepilateihaveadog

I really like choppy styles like this...it's how I think, in little chops.

To me, length is not all that important as long as you've adequately translated the idea to paper.

or a computer screen... :(

Good, good, good...just keep writing all the time, every day and the "length" issue will take care of itself once you get more comfortable with your process.