Home› Poetry, Prose, Music & Art

An (ill-advised) experiment.

Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
edited November 2008 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I was dared by a friend to attempt a rhyming love poem, my ability to rhyme well being extremely questionable, particularly with a subject so given to cliche, but I gave it a shot, it's probably worthless but I'm interested to hear what people have to say. I referenced another poem (the section in quotation mark) because it said what I wanted to in a way I'd never have been able to come up with. Be as brutal as you like with criticism, rhyming love poems in what is essentially sonnet form are hardly my typical fare so I won't be offended :D It was just a dare after all ;)



There is no joy like this, dear heart,
for kingdoms a trade would not be fair.
Ne'er did one feel the lover's dart
so deeply, nor with heart so bare
as mine, in youth a sad sung tale
and sorely shamed, but for a kiss
This ungenuous fool will wear no veil
for never was such love as this,
And if she grants but one request,
I ask my subject, true and fine
(For if she loves and vows to this
To her, by hand, my heart I sign):
'An tugadh t’ fhonn no t’ àilleachd ghlòrmhor
bhuamsa gràinealachd mharbh nan dòigh seo?' *
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    * *Gaoir na h-Eòrpa (The Cry of Europe) by Somhairle MacGilleain
    Trans."Would your song and splendid beauty take
    from me the dead loathsomeness of these ways?" (Scottish Gaelic)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Obviously it's supposed to say "ingenuous" not un-
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
Sign In or Register to comment.