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I will go with thee

Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
edited January 2008 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Everyman is nothing now
if you understand
it's not enough now to be perfect
nor to be quiet and hope
it all gets better in the end.
I burnt my nostrils last night,
huffing gases to right my head wrongs.
Now I grin sheepishly
and bow to divert attention
as my fellows swathe past me.
The poets are all dead
and I'm past sleeping.
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Everyman is nothing now
    if you understand
    it's not enough now to be perfect
    nor to be quiet and hope
    it all gets better in the end.
    I burnt my nostrils last night,
    huffing gases to right my head wrongs.
    Now I grin sheepishly
    and bow to divert attention
    as my fellows swathe past me.
    The poets are all dead
    and I'm past sleeping.


    i like this as-well-as your signature.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    chadwick wrote:
    i like this as-well-as your signature.
    Thanks :) although the credit for my signature must go to a friend of mine, a fantastic poet.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    Love this J. :)

    Care to elaborate on your thinking a little? :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Jeanie wrote:
    Love this J. :)

    Care to elaborate on your thinking a little? :)
    Dissatisfaction...

    that is all I want to say. Explaining this kind of thing generally helps no one. I'd like to think it can stand by itself :o (It can't I know but I can dream :))

    thanks anyway Jean
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Dissatisfaction...

    that is all I want to say. Explaining this kind of thing generally helps no one. I'd like to think it can stand by itself :o (It can't I know but I can dream :))

    thanks anyway Jean

    Oh it can stand by itself! :)

    I just find that my interpretation is probably very different to yours and even mine is probably very different now to how it would have been or how it will be. That's the beauty of these things. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Jeanie wrote:
    Oh it can stand by itself! :)

    I just find that my interpretation is probably very different to yours and even mine is probably very different now to how it would have been or how it will be. That's the beauty of these things. :)
    exactly :) if you can find your own meaning in it, that's brilliant. The idea that something I write might have duality of meaning is very exciting for me, especially since I'm not happy with all but about 3 lines of it now, looking back.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    exactly :) if you can find your own meaning in it, that's brilliant. The idea that something I write might have duality of meaning is very exciting for me, especially since I'm not happy with all but about 3 lines of it now, looking back.


    No! There are more than 3 lines to be happy with, but then we are most critical of our own efforts I think. There is some lovely thoughts in this one J. I think so. I find it very soothing to see someone else articulate things I think but get stuck somehow. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Jeanie wrote:
    No! There are more than 3 lines to be happy with, but then we are most critical of our own efforts I think. There is some lovely thoughts in this one J. I think so. I find it very soothing to see someone else articulate things I think but get stuck somehow. :)
    You are too kind Jeanie :) you can be my critic-in-chief from now on, so long as you promise to be honest :p I'm genuinely very glad you like it.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    You are too kind Jeanie :) you can be my critic-in-chief from now on, so long as you promise to be honest :p I'm genuinely very glad you like it.

    Ah well I am honest I guess. Sometimes too much so. :D

    Chuffed to be your "critic-in-chief" but you'd probably do well to seek a wide variety of opinion and there are some amazing writers around here that could probably help you a lot more, but I'll throw my 2 bobs in anyway! :D
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    it's not enough now to be perfect
    nor to be quiet and hope
    it all gets better in the end.

    That would be my favorite part. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Jeanie wrote:
    That would be my favorite part. :)
    :)

    the part that I'm personally happiest with is the following:

    "The poets are all dead
    and I'm past sleeping."

    Just because it's 4:15 am and this is especially relevant now... :)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    :)

    the part that I'm personally happiest with is the following:

    "The poets are all dead
    and I'm past sleeping."

    Just because it's 4:15 am and this is especially relevant now... :)


    :D Yes well I figured that was a rather inciteful assessment of your current situation! :D
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
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