An epiphany of sorts

Jeremy1012
Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
edited November 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Holistic and purified, I am purged
of that parasitic rage of which
I spoke in acute self-fearing earnest.
My spleen is diminished and all but the
basest crumbs of my hate are banished from
mind and spirit. It gives me fervent
pleasure to feel this litany of heightened
and immeasurable good-will and faith.
Faith in knowing that I, in my naive
and ignorant self, know nothing at all.
I do not care.

This is a sort of response to my own poem that I posted here a few weeks ago. I was in an angry place then. I realised over the last few days that I was missing the point. any comments, critical or otherwise are welcomed.
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Bu2
    Bu2 Posts: 1,693
    It makes me think of "In Hiding". I'm glad you wrote it and shared it with us.
    Feels Good Inc.
  • Karas
    Karas Posts: 68
    i had to go back and find your other post to read..i liked it, and even more, your later explanation of a duel personality, or "schitzophenic personality" as you put it.

    i like this one too, though question if we, as humans, can ever truly be "purged of that parasitic rage" with in. I agree with what you said in your last post and explanation, and for that reason question this one. I think that 'sooto voce" will always be there, just at differant volumes as relative to its own alter peaceful ego...

    i'm curious as to what you think...
    I scream in affirmation
    of connecting dislocations
    and exceeding limitations
    by achieving levitation
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Good stuff. I'd suggest something though, as a hairy lit man with too many degrees and a guitar, if that's okay?


    Edit out the adjectives and adverbs, and use more similes and metaphors. Think of a Peter Green guitar solo: less is more.

    Watch what Ms Haiku and Tchaliz do, here: they show, rather than tell. PastaNazi does, too. They select images, and create an accordant state of mind: what TS Eliot called an objective correlative.

    You're bloody good, Jamie. This is why I'm saying this. I wouldn't bother, otherwise!
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Karas wrote:
    i had to go back and find your other post to read..i liked it, and even more, your later explanation of a duel personality, or "schitzophenic personality" as you put it.

    i like this one too, though question if we, as humans, can ever truly be "purged of that parasitic rage" with in. I agree with what you said in your last post and explanation, and for that reason question this one. I think that 'sooto voce" will always be there, just at differant volumes as relative to its own alter peaceful ego...

    i'm curious as to what you think...
    I understand your point and it does make this poem seem a little bit of a non sequitur but the purging I was talking about doesn't mean that the potential for feeling that rage is gone, just that at this moment, the feeling of anger that I had when I wrote the first one has subsided completely and I'm totally in control of my thoughts on the subject that it was written about.

    Thanks a lot for your comments by the way and I'm very pleased that you liked the first one. I certainly liked it more than this one with regards to the writing. :)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Good stuff. I'd suggest something though, as a hairy lit man with too many degrees and a guitar, if that's okay?


    Edit out the adjectives and adverbs, and use more similes and metaphors. Think of a Peter Green guitar solo: less is more.

    Watch what Ms Haiku and Tchaliz do, here: they show, rather than tell. PastaNazi does, too. They select images, and create an accordant state of mind: what TS Eliot called an objective correlative.

    You're bloody good, Jamie. This is why I'm saying this. I wouldn't bother, otherwise!
    Of course it's okay to suggest something. Being a big fan of your songs and poems, I'm well aware that you know what you are talking about :) I agree with you entirely. Looking back over this I don't really like it much from a writing point of view. I like the first one better (I don't know if you read it?). I don't think that my poetry is particularly good at all but I'd really like it to be so any constructive criticism is more than welcome. Also, the Peter Green analogy is very helpful. I'l bear all of this in mind. Thanks a lot :)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"

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