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ghosts of the past..

sandmansandman Posts: 80
edited September 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Washing all my thoughts,
Creating space for new.
Forgetting my entire past,
Will live in the present.
Getting a shave,
Highly insignificant,
Highly pretentious.
Standing in the rain,
Burning all the pictures.
Of you and me together,
Looking at a different view,
When we are no longer together.
Staring at the sun,
Hoping to lose my vision.
So that I can no longer see you cry.
I am so numb now,
Comfortable, but numb.
Standing in the cold,
Listening to songs of patience
And how much we need it…
Injecting all the new pain that I have,
Exhaling out all the nicotine that I can’t take,
Don’t care about the length of the days or the nights,
Pretending all the time I was with you and then regretted it,
Shouting at the mirror that shows me a face no longer mine,
Punching the wall in order to break the ring that is yours,
Cutting myself to check if I’m still alive or gone to hell,
Stitching the holes that bleed my loneliness & hatred,
I walk like a wounded soldier lost on the moon,
No longer hold your hand to comfort me,
Walking over the ocean in my dreams,
I’m so incomplete and hollow,
So alone and broken,
Too fast & scared,
Last wish,
Last kiss,
Alone,
Gone.
None of this makes sense,
You don’t belong to me,
Swallowing poison,
You were never mine,
The music stops,
I’ve always wondered,
Always been afraid,
Terrified,
I don’t understand it anymore,
What is it?
Is it the ignorance?
The loneliness,
The death.
I walk out in the sunlight,
With my eyes close to my sockets,
My hands full of my blood,
My mouth full of your taste,
I’m coming back to you,
I’m breaking all the rules,
Walking the path I had left,
Repainting my thoughts,
Too full for new one’s,
Unrecognizable,
Unrecognized,
Evening lights,
Slow noises,
Winter season,
I’m coming back,
To the voices,
To the blood,
To the ugliness,
To the beauty,
To what I had left…
shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
move away into the fucken tornado.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • violet rayviolet ray Posts: 502
    every word of it.
    You ask me to enter
    But then You make me crawl
    And I can't be holding on
    To what You got
    When all You've got is hurt
    ----
    Underneath this smile lies everything
    All my hopes and anger, pride and shame
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    thanx..
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    I wish he would come back to me......him.....the only one......
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    that u loved?
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    that I love, and always will.....forever.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    that I loved?

    yeah.....the only person I've been in love with.....and I'm a one man woman......only one for me......so sad.....so solly......nivvir mind, have a lolly......
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    where are u from?
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    Ireland.....and you?

    (teh grave, perhaps)
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    ok..
    i guess u lost him.
    im sorry, i dont mean to be prying into youre life , i have no intentions whatsoever.
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    india
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    no probs.....I didn't lose him.....he's alive/dead.....you know.....I left him in Texas......he's in South Cal now.....jus wrote to me t'other day......he's alive and kicking......(but irrevocably dead.....)......John, that's his name.......jus a boy I met once.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    is this board a little slow..or is it just my comp??
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    ok..then u havent really lost him, i guess
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    whereabouts in India.....Goa......? hehehehehe.....

    Calcutta?

    Delhi?

    Bombay?

    you're close to us.....(I mean us Aussies - I live in Australia for my sins)......

    try to visit teh Republic of teh Maldives.....gotta be the best archipelago in teh wrold......you can fly there from Ceylon.....if you have time.....Air Lanka is a good airline......Villingilli is a nice island.....a beautiful island, although there are hundreds of beautiful islands......
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    no, I only found him last week after three dry years.....now I have to figure out how to stop myself from telling him I love him.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    delhi..the capital.
    well..id be on a plane outta here if i had the dough. :)
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    why do u want to stop yourself from telling him?
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    because I love him more than he can handle......he can't handle how much I love him......(I can handle it though, so I won't tell him)
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    u know..when i click on a thread it doesnt show me the latest replies. and i dont know what u guys are trying to tell me .
    and i have to constantly post new replies only then can i see all the replies.
    can u help me out??
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    how do u know that he wont be able to handle it if u dont tell him???
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    because he's scared of love.....he's scared of being loved.......and I don't want to scare him away......I haven't spoken to him for 3 years.....he left me.....and I love him anyway forever......so I don't care if he doesn't need me.....I figure we have permanence through the strength of my love.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    (nobody's trying to tell you anything - don't get paranoid dick.....it's just a blip in teh system).....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    .....
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    alright i get it.
    its up to you anyways..if u want to tell him or not.
    cos ure the one who knows him. not me.
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    I won't tell him.....I'd only frighten him off......and I need him......I never thought I'd speak to him again......anyway.....thx 4 teh therapy......pay the receptionist on teh way out.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    ...
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    cant....not got any change on me and she doesnt accept a visa
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    teh receptionist was personally vetted by me.....she is known to be very understanding......give her an iou.....and she will probably never even ask for payment (don't tell her I told you.....we have to have a professional distance)
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    ..
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
  • sandmansandman Posts: 80
    lol:D
    it seems that ure a very influential person..
    kool.
    shy away,run away,oh terrified child.
    move away into the fucken tornado.
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