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Inspired by Jacob Lawrence's The Apartment

Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
edited September 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
It's 6 o'clock. The workday ends. My back
does not tense as much so quickly these weeks.
With purse in hand I run between streetlamps
counting each one to calm me. The chilled mist
feels like a mask that will suffocate me
if I don't focus on the next streetlamp
and the next streetlamp. Only one more left.

The tea kettle has not moved. The tea cups
have not moved. I don't see new cigarette
burns stinking up my hanging quilt. I place
my newspaper on the desk. A cold breeze
lifts the front page. The tea flows out the cup.

http://images.allposters.com/images/GDF/LP877H.jpg

I would appreciate constructive criticism. Thanks!
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    I tried to think of something constructive to tell you, but it's hard...I always really like these Jacob Lawrence-inspired poems of yours. This one is a quiet one, unfancy. Eack word seems to have been carefully chosen so as to not appear vital, yet they are.

    I have no constructive criticism, sorry. But I really like it.
    .........................................................................
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