01/07/06

Ms. Haiku
Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
edited January 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I woke up and the sky was yellow.
The pale petals of a rose, distant and evasive.
The yellow was entire.
There were no holes for communities of clouds
or the wine of rain.
I wondered if my imagination had flown
or did it take root again.
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
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  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
    I woke up and the sky was yellow.
    The pale petals of a rose, distant and evasive.
    There were no holes for communities of clouds
    or the wine of rain.

    I saw the tailored you
    drinking coffee and
    daydreaming of windowless divisions
    between you and the
    next space. Your hands were cold.
    Secure only in your idea of order
    you tapped the pencil against the coffee cup.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    I woke up and the sky was yellow.
    The pale petals of a rose, distant and evasive.
    There were no holes for communities of clouds
    or the wine of rain.

    I saw the tailored you
    drinking coffee and
    daydreaming of windowless divisions
    between you and the
    next space. Your hands were cold.
    Secure only in your idea of order
    you tapped the pencil against the coffee cup.

    You've outdone yourself Ms. Haiku. :)
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
    olderman wrote:
    You've outdone yourself Ms. Haiku. :)
    Just wait, olderman, this is in the early stages. I just needed to get the non-haiku, non-sonnet juices flowing, you know.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • Federico
    Federico Posts: 7,916
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    Just wait, olderman, this is in the early stages. I just needed to get the non-haiku, non-sonnet juices flowing, you know.


    but it´s almost there....IMHO
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
    Federico wrote:
    but it´s almost there....IMHO
    No no no no no it's got a while to go, days, months, years ...
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    the tapping goes on.. will he spill the coffee?
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
    olderman wrote:
    the tapping goes on.. will he spill the coffee?
    Nope, his movements are too restricted for that.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    I woke up and the sky was yellow.
    The pale petals of a rose, distant and evasive.
    There were no holes for communities of clouds
    or the wine of rain.

    I saw the tailored you
    drinking coffee and
    daydreaming of windowless divisions
    between you and the
    next space. Your hands were cold.
    Secure only in your idea of order
    you tapped the pencil against the coffee cup.

    Very nice, Ms. Haiku. Keep those creative juices flowing! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • burtschips
    burtschips Posts: 734
    It took hold again. And again.

    Ms. Haiku, you have that elusive air. I usually seem to find your writing mysterious and compelling, like it is a reflection in a pool of rippled water... it is there but it is not quite fully revealed..... or something far off in mist, in the distance. Mystery and intrigue. Nice one Ms. Haiku.
    Salut baloo
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
    Thanks! You get to see it in the development stages. I have no idea where it will go or even if the sky will be yellow and a man will be drinking coffee at the end. It's going to unfold into one flowing poem.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • EvilToasterElf
    EvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    I look forward to watching it's progress, very nice offering
  • DopeBeastie
    DopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    hey girl... i've done this... i went back to it seven times and kept after it, writing, revising, adding. i posted all versions on-line (it never hit real paper) ~ in a really stodgy environment, and I didn't get much feedback, but

    it was wierd.

    i had a poem going from heart break, to fishing ponds, to dissatisfaction with society at large

    I was fascinated with the many different things that piece became

    not unlike the different impressions each individual reader must have of a given piece, yes?


    cool beans

    you've still got a haiku-ish aura around this one, evident in the cut-short, divergent last line. stand-alone as it is, it leads nowhere... i'm waiting for the wazoo... the enlightenment... one more line, when you get time ;)
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
    PastaNazi wrote:
    i'm waiting for the wazoo... the enlightenment... one more line, when you get time ;)
    Are you saying it has to mean something?



    hahahahaha I just made myself laugh. OF COURSE, EH!
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    Nope, his movements are too restricted for that.

    restricted how? emotionally, physically, spiritually, psychotically?
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • DopeBeastie
    DopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    Are you saying it has to mean something?



    hahahahaha I just made myself laugh. OF COURSE, EH!


    laughing right alongside :D
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
    I woke up and the sky was yellow.
    The pale petals of a rose, dropped and distant
    creating a path where a queen would walk.
    But there were no holes for her communities of clouds
    or her cups of rain.

    I saw the tailored you drinking coffee and
    devising windowless divisions
    between you and the next space.
    Your hands looked cold.
    Secure only in your idea of order
    you tapped the pencil against the empty coffee cup.

    I removed you from my sight like a white evening glove prized then forgotten.
    I looked away to remember what color had been.


    For olderman: Emotionally restricted resulted in restricted movements. I made it easy by emptying the cup.

    This poem ends 1/13/06. Let's see how far I get, eh?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • DopeBeastie
    DopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    nice :)


    (oh, and i should probably tell you that you inspired me both consciously and subconsciously to post that piece on petals... i wrote it a few days ago. i'm glad you do some of your "work" here... thanks so much... i used to be yellow... but now i am some carbohydratey type thing... lol... go figure... keep it up... we're reading)
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
    I woke up and the sky was yellow.
    The pale petals of a rose, dropped and distant
    creating a path where a queen would walk.
    But there were no holes for her communities of clouds
    or her cups of rain.

    I removed you from my sight like a white evening glove prized then forgotten.
    I looked away to remember what color had been.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • Buru
    Buru Posts: 8,473
    This keeps changing, I love it!

    But I loved the part about the emotionally restricted man, have you cut it out?
    y la banda de Guille... cuando toca?
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,389
    Yep, dude's gone. It was just a throw in, and after trying it out, it really didn't fit with the first part. The first part is the foundation of this poem. The poem didn't seem believable with him in there. The two people just didn't mesh, there wasn't a flow-one of them had to go. I was definitely going to keep the yellow. It's still in progress. It will probably end up about a woman alone.

    I think burtschips has a good point, and something I have to work on. I don't want my poetry to be too mysterious or of withdrawing from the audience, leaving something to the imagination. I want to write clearly so that others clearly understand what I'm writing. Writing emotion, particularly the day to day bridge between two people, is something I need to work on.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird

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