Inspired by Pearl Jam's "Alone" again

Ms. Haiku

Leaving the pack
of smiles and bicyle rides.
Leaving the pack
to test herself.

With each step
she's one step away.
The past of what could not be done
is tread on.

Closer to the end
she thinks of smiles and bicyle rides.
She listens about
a man's life alone among so many,
and sighs in sweat,
"I'm glad that's not mine."

After a break to breathe
normally, and a chance to
feel the immense heat,
she sees a bicyle
she helped to carry into the truck
and she starts to run
towards the pack.


Very quick poem, thought of it while I was running yesterday. Guess what song was on my IPOD?

Righteous Jammer

I like this one....very much

Ms. Haiku

tchaliz wrote:

Bella you should write a lot of very quick poems like this! you may not have worked on it a lot but it's got sense feeling and message.
T

Thanks Tchaliz! I find though, that when I write one to two drafts of a poem that I use the poetic devise of repeating words too much. I see it in this one. If I worked more on it there would be less words taking up space. . . in fact let's see what I can do with it now

After stretching just for show
she runs away from them,
but holds the bright turning
of bodies as perpendicular windmills,
and the scattered length
of bicyle rides like a talisman.

With each step
she's closer to the first hill.
She struggles for momentum.

Closer to her end.
She hears about a man's life
alone among so many,
and sighs in sweat,
"I'm glad that's not mine."

After a break to breathe
normally, and a chance to
feel the immense heat,
she sees a bicyle
she carried into that parked truck
and she starts to run
towards the pack.