Try to write a poem without reference to humans
Ms. Haiku
Washington DC Posts: 7,279
Ok, you go first.
It's hard. I was trying to figure out how to write "Ok, you go first" without reference to "you" which is human, and I thought of a starting line, but that's a human conception.
It's hard. I was trying to figure out how to write "Ok, you go first" without reference to "you" which is human, and I thought of a starting line, but that's a human conception.
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
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soaks up
the hot
then drains
on dead grass
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
cooled by night,
fish swim past
rocks of a mountain
crumbled by time
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
of rising fur, deep in the hollow den
we prize for safety. A snarl, a bark:
I'm nodded out toward the moongrey fen.
Paws plod cold river paths and gaming trails;
My eyes survey treeshadows, black on black
bar bateye sparkles flashing; now young wails
approach behind my stooping hunter's back:
My brood. Long night of blood road travelling
with yearlings, scenting fieldrush stranded hares,
their heartbeats shaking reeds; unravelling
night of roadturn ambush; night of flares
of teeth in stargleam gnashing at the skin
of moonblood silver shining dying prey:
This is my night, to bring my mate, within
the denning shadows of tenebrous grey
Our plunder from an eastern river bed:
I lead my pack, night free. Free wrath is fed.
that's fantastic.
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
speak a smidgeon
of pidgin
if words are legion
in his region -
the religion
of birds?
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
assigning human response to that which is not human
now, for sure and for certain ~ animals display traits of knowing and relating to one another that humans do as well... and it's my guess that even plants have some humanistic responses to certain stimuli
what bib is going for is total lack of that assignment
the vase
on the shelf
in the sun
it's easily done
my personal response is human, which is not outside of the excersize
does that blow it?
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
Here, I've got it:
Woof woof
woof woof
woof
woof woof woof
uh uh arrooooooooooooo
scratch scratch
woof woof
barf
Ladies, meet Koko:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Po2JGdx9WBI
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
I remember when my niece was 18 months old (about 8 years ago) she kept throwing her sippy down, and I would pick it up. When I wouldn't give it back to her she acted like she wanted it, and then would throw it down again. My first reaction was "She's doing this because I always pick it up", but since I couldn't understand her language all I knew really was that she was throwing the cup each time I picked it up. I projected what I thought she was thinking into her thinking which could easily not be the case. I was irritated, and yet I don't think she was going out of her way to irritate me. She wasn't that devious or mean, and she still isn't. Now, the question I asked myself is why would I assign that to her when she's only 18 months old, and she just likes to throw her sippy down, and watch me pick it up. Is it because she likes to throw the sippy down, is it because she likes to watch me pick it up, or does she like to hear the milk splash inside? I will never know. I could only know the facts.
Same with non-human entities. I can not project how a tree feels or what a tree thinks is feeling or even really go down that root (hahaha). All I know is there is a tree, and it looks like this or that, and when the wind blows it acts this way and that, and I see it change at this time and that time. I think it would be really interesting to read your poem if you tried to rewrite it without the pronouns. I bet it would be profound. Quite frankly this may be an exercise in a form of haiku-esque poetry. If I remember correctly, you don't like haiku do you?
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
sunshine on a cloudy day
rays penetrating the atmosphere
scattering thru raindrops
making rainbows
clouds making shadows upon the ground
wind, thru the trees
is it a sound
is it a scene
Graduate of the School for Sexual Gifted....magna cum loads
Which is precisely why we don't know if they'd use pronouns or not.
I remember when my niece was 18 months old (about 8 years ago) she kept throwing her sippy down, and I would pick it up. When I wouldn't give it back to her she acted like she wanted it, and then would throw it down again. My first reaction was "She's doing this because I always pick it up", but since I couldn't understand her language all I knew really was that she was throwing the cup each time I picked it up. I projected what I thought she was thinking into her thinking which could easily not be the case. I was irritated, and yet I don't think she was going out of her way to irritate me. She wasn't that devious or mean, and she still isn't. Now, the question I asked myself is why would I assign that to her when she's only 18 months old, and she just likes to throw her sippy down, and watch me pick it up. Is it because she likes to throw the sippy down, is it because she likes to watch me pick it up, or does she like to hear the milk splash inside? I will never know. I could only know the facts.
Nah, it would bollocks up the pentameter for a start. I don't dislike haiku though.
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
I was, before a table
a tree, whose fruit was scrumptious
and very much eat-able.
Before I was an apple tree,
whose leaves in wild winds wave,
I was a Mrs Endersby,
a-buried in a grave.
Before I was the said deceased,
whose death was quite a harrow,
I was her poison, one diseased
and poisonous old marrow.
When I grew up, a happy marrow
There would be this fly
Who'd lick my dimples, green and narrow:
Yes, that fly was I.
When I was that bluebottle
I'd fly, so far and free:
But once I flew, too fast, full throttle
Splatting in a tree.
So if your table leg has got
these strange, bluebottle stains
this is my consciousness, a knot
of tree-veg-fly remains.
I was, before a table
a tree, whose fruit was scrumptious
and very much eat-able.
Before I was an apple tree,
whose leaves in wild winds wave,
I was a Mrs Endersby,
a-buried in a grave.
Before I was the said deceased,
whose death was quite a harrow,
I was her poison, one diseased
and murderous old marrow.
When I grew up, a happy marrow
There would be this fly
Who'd lick my dimples, green and narrow:
Aye, that fly was I.
When I was that bluebottle
I'd fly, so far and free:
But once I flew, too fast, full throttle
Splatting in a tree.
So if your table leg has got
these strange, bluebottle stains
this is my consciousness, a knot
of tree-veg-fly remains.
Swans gliding on lakes
Opal sky sunsets
Over the Sound
Windy sandy dunes
The crying of the gulls
White sails against the blue
The blue of the Sound
Old brick mansions
Colonial estates
Emerald green lawns
Overlooking the Sound
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
sucks up the rain
to withstand the winds
its destiny
- Antwerp '06, Nijmegen '07, Werchter '07