Try to write a poem without reference to humans

Ms. Haiku

Ok, you go first.

It's hard. I was trying to figure out how to write "Ok, you go first" without reference to "you" which is human, and I thought of a starting line, but that's a human conception.

Ms. Haiku

Ms. Haiku wrote:

Ok, you go first.

It's hard. I was trying to figure out how to write "Ok, you go first" without reference to "you" which is human, and I thought of a starting line, but that's a human conception.

hazy sky
soaks up
the hot
then drains
on dead grass

olderman

warmed by sun,
cooled by night,
fish swim past
rocks of a mountain
crumbled by time

FinsburyParkCarrots

My running mate awakens me, warm dark
of rising fur, deep in the hollow den
we prize for safety. A snarl, a bark:
I'm nodded out toward the moongrey fen.
Paws plod cold river paths and gaming trails;
My eyes survey treeshadows, black on black
bar bateye sparkles flashing; now young wails
approach behind my stooping hunter's back:

My brood. Long night of blood road travelling
with yearlings, scenting fieldrush stranded hares,
their heartbeats shaking reeds; unravelling
night of roadturn ambush; night of flares
of teeth in stargleam gnashing at the skin
of moonblood silver shining dying prey:
This is my night, to bring my mate, within
the denning shadows of tenebrous grey

Our plunder from an eastern river bed:
I lead my pack, night free. Free wrath is fed.

burtschips

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

My running mate awakens me, warm dark
of rising fur, deep in the hollow den
we prize for safety. A snarl, a bark:
I'm nodded out toward the moongrey fen.
Paws plod cold river paths and gaming trails;
My eyes survey treeshadows, black on black
bar bateye sparkles flashing; now young wails
approach behind my stooping hunter's back:

My brood. Long night of blood road travelling
with yearlings, scenting fieldrush stranded hares,
their heartbeats shaking reeds; unravelling
night of roadturn ambush; night of flares
of teeth in stargleam gnashing at the skin
of moonblood silver shining dying prey:
This is my night, to bring my mate, within
the denning shadows of tenebrous grey

Our plunder from an eastern river bed:
I lead my pack, night free. Free wrath is fed.

that's fantastic.

Ms. Haiku

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

My running mate awakens me, warm dark
of rising fur, deep in the hollow den
we prize for safety. A snarl, a bark:
I'm nodded out toward the moongrey fen.
Paws plod cold river paths and gaming trails;
My eyes survey treeshadows, black on black
bar bateye sparkles flashing; now young wails
approach behind my stooping hunter's back:

My brood. Long night of blood road travelling
with yearlings, scenting fieldrush stranded hares,
their heartbeats shaking reeds; unravelling
night of roadturn ambush; night of flares
of teeth in stargleam gnashing at the skin
of moonblood silver shining dying prey:
This is my night, to bring my mate, within
the denning shadows of tenebrous grey

Our plunder from an eastern river bed:
I lead my pack, night free. Free wrath is fed.

What happens if you take out the pronouns?

FinsburyParkCarrots

Why should it make any difference? You don't get many talking wolves. If they could write, I'm sure they'd say I, you, he, she and they.

FinsburyParkCarrots

And we.

FinsburyParkCarrots

Why would a pigeon
speak a smidgeon
of pidgin
if words are legion
in his region -
the religion
of birds?

Ms. Haiku

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

Why should it make any difference? You don't get many talking wolves. If they could write, I'm sure they'd say I, you, he, she and they.

See, that's the point. I guess I didn't make myself clear. I was looking for poems without human reference including non-human entities living/thinking etc as if they were humans. The use of pronouns puts the human element in it. What's that word for it . . . personification. Is that it? I should have made myself clearer. It's suppose to be an exercise where the human element does not exist including personification. Only the recognition of what is going on i.e, calling a tree a tree, could be human as a human is writing it.

FinsburyParkCarrots

I don't get this. Why wouldn't an animal understand the autonomous existence of another animal, whether male or female? I don't see what's so intrinsically human about that. I'm sure when a male dog sees a female dog, he thinks, "I wouldn't mind giving her one", or, when he sees his owner, "When are ya gonna make my dinner, knucklehead?"

DopeBeastie

they're anthropomorphi... cazations... or whatever the word is...
assigning human response to that which is not human
now, for sure and for certain ~ animals display traits of knowing and relating to one another that humans do as well... and it's my guess that even plants have some humanistic responses to certain stimuli

what bib is going for is total lack of that assignment

the vase
on the shelf
in the sun

it's easily done

my personal response is human, which is not outside of the excersize

DopeBeastie

but... does reference to man-made things. ie: vase... shelf...

does that blow it?

Ms. Haiku

PastaNazi wrote:

but... does reference to man-made things. ie: vase... shelf...

does that blow it?

Nope. You nailed the explanation on the head in your earlier post. By the way, I saw a recipe for baking cherry-almond chocolate chip cookies and I thought of you. It's a great cookbook (the King Arthur Flour Cookie Cookbook), so I'll probably bake it one day.

FinsburyParkCarrots

PastaNazi wrote:

they're anthropomorphi... cazations... or whatever the word is...
assigning human response to that which is not human
now, for sure and for certain ~ animals display traits of knowing and relating to one another that humans do as well... and it's my guess that even plants have some humanistic responses to certain stimuli

what bib is going for is total lack of that assignment

the vase
on the shelf
in the sun

it's easily done

my personal response is human, which is not outside of the excersize

Here, I've got it:


Woof woof
woof woof
woof

woof woof woof
uh uh arrooooooooooooo
scratch scratch
woof woof

barf

FinsburyParkCarrots

And how do ya know animals can't differentiate between objects or people?


Ladies, meet Koko:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Po2JGdx9WBI

FinsburyParkCarrots

http://koko.org/world/

Ms. Haiku

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

Here, I've got it:


Woof woof
woof woof
woof

woof woof woof
uh uh arrooooooooooooo
scratch scratch
woof woof

barf

That's it! :):)

Ms. Haiku

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

And how do ya know animals can't differentiate between objects or people?


Ladies, meet Koko:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Po2JGdx9WBI

I think animals can differentiate, but is it up to a human to say how another animal will differentiate? In fact is it up to a human to say how another human would feel if the languages are different? If it's not possible for perfect communication among humans from different cultures, could it be possible with different species?

I remember when my niece was 18 months old (about 8 years ago) she kept throwing her sippy down, and I would pick it up. When I wouldn't give it back to her she acted like she wanted it, and then would throw it down again. My first reaction was "She's doing this because I always pick it up", but since I couldn't understand her language all I knew really was that she was throwing the cup each time I picked it up. I projected what I thought she was thinking into her thinking which could easily not be the case. I was irritated, and yet I don't think she was going out of her way to irritate me. She wasn't that devious or mean, and she still isn't. Now, the question I asked myself is why would I assign that to her when she's only 18 months old, and she just likes to throw her sippy down, and watch me pick it up. Is it because she likes to throw the sippy down, is it because she likes to watch me pick it up, or does she like to hear the milk splash inside? I will never know. I could only know the facts.

Same with non-human entities. I can not project how a tree feels or what a tree thinks is feeling or even really go down that root (hahaha). All I know is there is a tree, and it looks like this or that, and when the wind blows it acts this way and that, and I see it change at this time and that time. I think it would be really interesting to read your poem if you tried to rewrite it without the pronouns. I bet it would be profound. Quite frankly this may be an exercise in a form of haiku-esque poetry. If I remember correctly, you don't like haiku do you?

Holey Ghost

(I'll give at shot...not included in the poem)

sunshine on a cloudy day
rays penetrating the atmosphere
scattering thru raindrops
making rainbows

clouds making shadows upon the ground
wind, thru the trees
is it a sound
is it a scene

FinsburyParkCarrots

Ms. Haiku wrote:

I think animals can differentiate, but is it up to a human to say how another animal will differentiate? In fact is it up to a human to say how another human would feel if the languages are different? If it's not possible for perfect communication among humans from different cultures, could it be possible with different species?

Which is precisely why we don't know if they'd use pronouns or not. The entire premise of writing in the English language anthropomorphises animal consciousness, irrespective of whether you represent it in an impressionistic pidgin, or like Proust.

I remember when my niece was 18 months old (about 8 years ago) she kept throwing her sippy down, and I would pick it up. When I wouldn't give it back to her she acted like she wanted it, and then would throw it down again. My first reaction was "She's doing this because I always pick it up", but since I couldn't understand her language all I knew really was that she was throwing the cup each time I picked it up. I projected what I thought she was thinking into her thinking which could easily not be the case. I was irritated, and yet I don't think she was going out of her way to irritate me. She wasn't that devious or mean, and she still isn't. Now, the question I asked myself is why would I assign that to her when she's only 18 months old, and she just likes to throw her sippy down, and watch me pick it up. Is it because she likes to throw the sippy down, is it because she likes to watch me pick it up, or does she like to hear the milk splash inside? I will never know. I could only know the facts.

Ms. Haiku wrote:

Same with non-human entities. I can not project how a tree feels or what a tree thinks is feeling or even really go down that root (hahaha). All I know is there is a tree, and it looks like this or that, and when the wind blows it acts this way and that, and I see it change at this time and that time. I think it would be really interesting to read your poem if you tried to rewrite it without the pronouns. I bet it would be profound. Quite frankly this may be an exercise in a form of haiku-esque poetry. If I remember correctly, you don't like haiku do you?

Nah, it would bollocks up the pentameter for a start. I don't dislike haiku though.