Again

Ms. Haiku

Her first bite of bread in three days; dry
yet found, between blankets and boxes. Crumbs
and crust peelings penetrate the paper
wrappings of silk shirts, and she craves coffee.

Documents of leases, taxes, statements
and certificates arranged as three piles
around her framed diploma on the floor.
Signatures sewn chronologically
from fibers of New Account Clerk woven
for years into Directing Manager.

She ignores the loose strands of hair clawing
at her face as she tapes closed the last box.
Her parents drink water in her famished
kitchen, and calculate vacation costs.

Annoyed, she tucks the hair behind her ear,
And folds the finished, “to do” list in thirds.

burtschips

intrigued again, Ms H... i'm kinda flummoxed but i'll keep reading.

Ms. Haiku

burtschips wrote:

intrigued again, Ms H... i'm kinda flummoxed but i'll keep reading.

Welcome back, burtschips! If you are flummoxed then the poem doesn't work, and that is something I need to know

Ms. Haiku

By the way, of the ones I've posted recently, I'd say that "Painter" was "Given" and "Chance" was "almost given." In other words I got a runner's high writing them especially in Painter.

burtschips

Ms. Haiku wrote:

Welcome back, burtschips! If you are flummoxed then the poem doesn't work, and that is something I need to know

you've said that to me before, and i said that that the fact that it (the meaning.. which one?) does not leap of the page at me is a good thing. nothing i find interesting ever does!

and a runners high, yes i can relate to that, although i have not had one for a while. lazy.

Jamal

I like it
'nuff said

it's all 'bout what you make of it, no?

Jamal

I really don't feel the NEED for a KEY, but still I like it

btw, I'd actually reverse the equasion and make a big wave feel as large as you make it

each their own .. right, T?

burtschips

Hi T....

i agree with the key, i think for anything to be anything it has to be created for a reason and when the person who has created it says 'it can mean whatever the reader wants it to mean' they are really saying 'look, go figure it out, i'm not going to tell you what it means it is private (maybe)..... but have a go if you like'

and sometimes you don't need to look hard to find it and it's still excellent but sometimes you have to look hard to see it and it is excellent. I think that depends on the person looking compared to the person who has done the creating. Even if the writer thinks they have made it very clear, they don't know how it's going to be read.

burtschips

oh and Ms. H, the reason i find it interesting is that I know the key is there, and it is a big meaningful key! but i think i work on tangents so it could take me a while to get there...

Jamal

burtschips wrote:

Hi T....

i agree with the key, i think for anything to be anything it has to be created for a reason and when the person who has created it says 'it can mean whatever the reader wants it to mean' they are really saying 'look, go figure it out, i'm not going to tell you what it means it is private (maybe)..... but have a go if you like'

and sometimes you don't need to look hard to find it and it's still excellent but sometimes you have to look hard to see it and it is excellent. I think that depends on the person looking compared to the person who has done the creating. Even if the writer thinks they have made it very clear, they don't know how it's going to be read.

That's definitely true
I stand corrected

but we do not need to get the key to actually like the piece, right?
You can just love the way it's written and the flow/choice of words

Ms. Haiku

I'm going to burst the bubbles of those who want to be kept in suspense. It's a woman who just got a promotion, and her parents are helping her move to a different place.

I don't want to write poetry that is not clear. I want the words to work, and when I reread it, even the best word choices must be removed if I don't think they add to the flow.