deja vu

violet ray

.

suede

i like it. i've been there. sorry to say, but we'll fall for it over and over and over and over again. there's nothing we can do.

violet ray

.

suede

building walls is a waste of time
there are more important things to work on...that need building.
if you spend all your time building a wall,
then you won't be able to enjoy the things on the other side of your psychological brick and mortar, ya know?
i know how it is; i built the same wall.
after a few months, i realized no one could see me.
all the possibilites of happiness were not coming to look for me, especially not behind walls.
it's been about two years since all of that.
being alone never felt so...alone.
build your wall,
just leave some space for your violet ray to shine through.

violet ray

Originally posted by suede
building walls is a waste of time
there are more important things to work on...that need building.
if you spend all your time building a wall,
then you won't be able to enjoy the things on the other side of your psychological brick and mortar, ya know?
i know how it is; i built the same wall.
after a few months, i realized no one could see me.
all the possibilites of happiness were not coming to look for me, especially not behind walls.
it's been about two years since all of that.
being alone never felt so...alone.
build your wall,
just leave some space for your violet ray to shine through.

i like the way you put that, thanks:)

its just...without the wall?
they break it down, until you give...and as soon as you feel so good, they throw you away.

suede

Originally posted by violet ray
i like the way you put that, thanks:)

its just...without the wall?
they break it down, until you give...and as soon as you feel so good, they throw you away.

i think you answered your own question. they break it down until you give...so if there is no wall to break down, there is less of you for them to break down. this all sounds very emotional and stressful, so do your best to keep yourself out of that situation.

anyone that would hurt you like this is not worth your time. all the energy you put into building a wall could be used to do things for yourself, to make you happy.

this could be taken many ways, but if you are being hurt in a serious manner, then you need to tell someone and go somewhere safe. i hope that is not the case.

throw them away and build the wall around them

violet ray

.

suede

it sounds like you are meeting the wrong type of person. yeah?
i think without a wall, you can think and see things better. don't get caught up with someone like that. i know it's easier said than done, and it's hard to see at the start, but look for the little signs. you don't deserve to be thrown away.
i agree, i want to share happy things, too. i kinda got used to it for a while, not sharing anything, but i really miss it. i know that if it's meant to be, then i'll be happy like that again someday...that there will be someone to call up and say, "Hey! I got another four point oh!" Maybe even a, "Hey, I thought about you today."
i'm glad it's nothing serious.

violet ray

i don't know...he seemed different than the rest, but what do i know.

and the little signs? there were none, that i saw anyway. they all seemed to hit me in one day.

and you? you're a nice guy, you'll have it again, i'm sure of it.

JDE-PJ

Originally posted by violet ray
i don't know...he seemed different than the rest, but what do i know.

and the little signs? there were none, that i saw anyway. they all seemed to hit me in one day.

.

we don't reflect on what we don't know until it's too late, then we see all the little signs we missed in the first place.


human nature I suppose.


good writing violet ray, keep it up, and let the words heal you in time.

suede

who knows, you might look back and remember something. i know that happened with me, and i was like, "Damn! I'm so stupid! I should've bailed when she said this, or when she said that, or when she did this, or when she did that, or when she didn't say this, or when she didn't do that."
well, thanks. yeah, the nice guy thing. i've heard some phrase about nice guys, i'm pretty sure the person that originally said that was most likely an evil prick...or a nice guy. lol. thanks again.:)

Originally posted by violet ray
i don't know...he seemed different than the rest, but what do i know.

and the little signs? there were none, that i saw anyway. they all seemed to hit me in one day.

and you? you're a nice guy, you'll have it again, i'm sure of it.

violet ray

Originally posted by JDE-PJ
we don't reflect on what we don't know until it's too late, then we see all the little signs we missed in the first place.


human nature I suppose.


good writing violet ray, keep it up, and let the words heal you in time.

'

no, i didn't miss anything at first.
maybe before it actually hit me,
but not at first.

violet ray

Originally posted by suede
who knows, you might look back and remember something. i know that happened with me, and i was like, "Damn! I'm so stupid! I should've bailed when she said this, or when she said that, or when she did this, or when she did that, or when she didn't say this, or when she didn't do that."
well, thanks. yeah, the nice guy thing. i've heard some phrase about nice guys, i'm pretty sure the person that originally said that was most likely an evil prick...or a nice guy. lol. thanks again.:)

if i say "damn i'm so stupid" to myself once more this week i'll jump off a bridge.

ha, sorry..you know what i mean...no offense meant by that, you DO seem like a nice guy and there's nothing wrong with that.

the same holds for nice females too, so i understand whatyou're saying.

suede

nice females? there's no such thing! lol kidding lol
aaaahhh lol
I'm sure you were great and probably too good for him anyway, so don't blame yourself.
You'll probably be driving in your car next week and think of something that he did or said and slam your hands on the steering wheel and scream, "Damn! I'm so stupid!" lol
it happens to everyone....exactly that way, too! :)lol

edit...i knew i spelled steering wheel incorrectly as stearing wheel....damn! lol

JDE-PJ

Originally posted by violet ray
'

no, i didn't miss anything at first.
maybe before it actually hit me,
but not at first.

okay, did not mean anything bad by that, sorry.

violet ray

Originally posted by suede
nice females? there's no such thing! lol kidding lol
aaaahhh lol
I'm sure you were great and probably too good for him anyway, so don't blame yourself.
You'll probably be driving in your car next week and think of something that he did or said and slam your hands on the stearing wheel and scream, "Damn! I'm so stupid!" lol
it happens to everyone....exactly that way, too! :)lol

haha...we're not all nice, believe me.

i'm not blaming myself, i'm just really confused...

and yea...i've been doing that, hitting the steering wheel.

violet ray

Originally posted by JDE-PJ
okay, did not mean anything bad by that, sorry.

i know you didn't
i was just explaining...

suede

the confusion part sucks. the "Why me?" the "What did i do?" "Why don't they Love me?" all that. it sucks. just don't let it get to you. it's normal. was this a long relationship? the one i speak of was a little less than two years...of pure hell! lol
you seem very bright. i'm sure someone will notice your beam.

violet ray

Originally posted by suede
the confusion part sucks. the "Why me?" the "What did i do?" "Why don't they Love me?" all that. it sucks. just don't let it get to you. it's normal. was this a long relationship? the one i speak of was a little less than two years...of pure hell! lol
you seem very bright. i'm sure someone will notice your beam.

that's it exactly...the confusion/rejection thing. and no, it wasn't long at all and maybe it wasn't even real, even though i like to believe it was. i just wish i had some answers...that's what's throwing me. and like i said earlier...it landed on a buildup, i think.

two years is a long time to be unhappy. i was with an ex for 8 years, married to him for 3...and trying to figure out how to leave for AT LEAST 2 out of the three.

JDE-PJ

Originally posted by violet ray
i know you didn't
i was just explaining...

okay.

suede

that was it for me, too. the rejection. maybe things wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't start seeing her ex immediately. that made me feel terrible. well, no, i already felt terrible...so i felt more terrible than terrible. i felt like i was tossed aside for this other guy, the one that didn't want her back when she wanted him...now he did...and i just didn't matter. not at fucking all.

she was also the no answer-type. "I don't want to talk about this. It's over." that was it...everytime. that was the only answer i got...over and over. maybe she knew that what she was doing was so terrible, so rotten, that she couldn't face me to tell me the truth. the last few days were a pile of denial...and i'm sure she is still the queen of those lies.

i learned to stop wishing for the answers. i figured them out for myself. i probably couldn't stand to hear the truth from her anyway. nah, no way.

i wasn't unhappy for the two years, but apparently she was. it's old news though...the two years was two years ago. i can't believe it's already been so long. your last two years must have been about the same. eight years is a long time to invest in something and then realize it's not working. you moved on from that, and i'm sure you'll move on again from this one. if this wasn't very long, don't dwell on it too much. be thankful that it wasn't long and that you didn't invest more time and allow yourself to be even more hurt.

suede

Originally posted by JDE-PJ
okay.

alright

violet ray

Originally posted by suede

she was also the no answer-type. "I don't want to talk about this. It's over." that was it...everytime. that was the only answer i got...over and over. maybe she knew that what she was doing was so terrible, so rotten, that she couldn't face me to tell me the truth. the last few days were a pile of denial...and i'm sure she is still the queen of those lies.

i learned to stop wishing for the answers. i figured them out for myself. i probably couldn't stand to hear the truth from her anyway. nah, no way.

i wasn't unhappy for the two years, but apparently she was. it's old news though...the two years was two years ago. i can't believe it's already been so long. your last two years must have been about the same. eight years is a long time to invest in something and then realize it's not working. you moved on from that, and i'm sure you'll move on again from this one. if this wasn't very long, don't dwell on it too much. be thankful that it wasn't long and that you didn't invest more time and allow yourself to be even more hurt.

yea, rejection is a hard thing to deal with especially when there are so many questions and NO answers. there's a black eyed peas song with the line "Stop the talking baby or I start walking baby"...man did that line hit me a lot today when i heard it for the first time. i never knew it was so wrong to want answers to something that will affect your life and your decisions.

suede

it could be the same case where he knows the answers he has to give you are not what you'd want to hear. then again, there are men & women that only want things for a short time and then want absolutely nothing to do with that person ever again. do you have hobbies? what do you like to do? DO THEM!
...and write more...i'm already going through withdrawal
if he had a big butt, then take heed to the words of wisdom from Bell Biv Devoe in my sig.

violet ray

Originally posted by suede
it could be the same case where he knows the answers he has to give you are not what you'd want to hear. then again, there are men & women that only want things for a short time and then want absolutely nothing to do with that person ever again. do you have hobbies? what do you like to do? DO THEM!
...and write more...i'm already going through withdrawal
if he had a big butt, then take heed to the words of wisdom from Bell Biv Devoe in my sig.

i'm probably trying to figure too much out...
the truth is, he probably just got bored of me.

write more? haha...these are the first things i've ever written....five in a few days isn't that bad, is it?

yea, i noticed your sig before.

suede

i think too much too and over-analyze way too much. this could be the case with you, too.
how could he possible get bored with you? no, really? don't think that. even if it's true on his part. don't think of yourself as boring, because you're not.

of course write more! five in a few days is good! i've been dry for about a week, but i finally wrote one earlier that i'm messing with.

bell biv devoe never told a lie. lol

violet ray

Originally posted by suede
i think too much too and over-analyze way too much. this could be the case with you, too.
how could he possible get bored with you? no, really? don't think that. even if it's true on his part. don't think of yourself as boring, because you're not.

of course write more! five in a few days is good! i've been dry for about a week, but i finally wrote one earlier that i'm messing with.

bell biv devoe never told a lie. lol

its hard not to think when things are one way one day and the total opposite the next...but yea...too much thinking.

will you post what you write?