everything's ok now (so happy)

ISNISN Posts: 1,700
and I get to drink sweet wine
and I get to be divine
and all of those foundless fears
abate with each passing year
and all of my fumbling floundering flailing
kicking down doors and chaining to railings
are worth it now
I'm Ishmael
at the prow
and I get to twitch with pleasure
and sleep in such soft supine
everything's okay now
and I get to drink sweet wine

:):):):):)

(formerly posted in groove's thread by mistake - thank Mod for edit button)
....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    kicking down doors and knocking down tables in a restaurant, in a West End town, call the police there's a madman around, hunt him down, underground, to die in a bar in a West End Town

    east end girls




    nice write, isn :D
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    Nice poem...congrats on your new home!

    I like the poem!

    ali
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    thx you two......:)
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • edeneden Posts: 407
    ISN wrote:
    and I get to drink sweet wine
    and I get to be divine
    and all of those foundless fears
    abate with each passing year
    and all of my fumbling floundering flailing
    kicking down doors and chaining to railings
    are worth it now
    I'm Ishmael
    at the prow
    and I get to twitch with pleasure
    and sleep in such soft supine
    everything's okay now
    and I get to drink sweet wine

    :):):):):)

    (formerly posted in groove's thread by mistake - thank Mod for edit button)

    Wow, thats amazing.
    Is it too personal to ask what inspired it?
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    no, sure, I have no secrets.....I've been happy since my baby was born.....or about six months after he was born......I went through hell in the UK, and moved to Spain which was also a bit dodgy....the first 3 years of life in Australia were very difficult up until April 2004 when I moved into this apartment in a Chinatown of Sydney......my health has improved......and my doctor thinks I'm going to be well from now on.......everything is so much better than it has been for the last 20 years......I guess you could say, out of 20 years (and twenty nervous breakdowns), I've just had one good year.......let's hope it continues
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • edeneden Posts: 407
    ISN wrote:
    no, sure, I have no secrets.....I've been happy since my baby was born.....or about six months after he was born......I went through hell in the UK, and moved to Spain which was also a bit dodgy....the first 3 years of life in Australia were very difficult up until April 2004 when I moved into this apartment in a Chinatown of Sydney......my health has improved......and my doctor thinks I'm going to be well from now on.......everything is so much better than it has been for the last 20 years......I guess you could say, out of 20 years (and twenty nervous breakdowns), I've just had one good year.......let's hope it continues

    Thanx for sharing that ;)
    Im happy that you feel better.
    Nervous breakdowns suck huh? :D
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    yeah, they're pretty bad, but life goes on.....I always bounce back pretty high.....so that's quite a good thing......maybe I've had my last one now......my doctor is hinting that I might be getting better......he wrote in my medical report for my custody legal aid application......that my prognosis was 'guardedly optimistic'.......pretty damn cool.......I'm VERY healthy
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • KwyjiboKwyjibo Posts: 662
    We came into town under cover of night, because we
    were pretty sure the people here were going to hate us
    once they really got to know us. In our lives together, which
    are sweet in the way of rotting things, it is somehow
    permanently summer.

    THE MOON rose above the trees, older than time,
    greener than money. You hung your head out the window
    of our dusty lemon-yellow El Camino and howled, and I
    turned up the radio, because the sound of your voice was
    already beginning to get to me. The speakers crackled
    and the music came through: Frankie Valli and the Four
    Seasons. Pretty as a midsummer's morn, they call her
    Dawn. Let the love of God come and get is if it wants
    us so bad. We know were we are going when all of
    this is done.

    SOME PEOPLE MIGHT SAY that buying a house you've
    never actually seen close-up is a bad idea, but what does
    anybody know about our needs, anyhow? For us it was
    perfect. The peeling paint. The old cellar. The garden in
    the back. The porch out front. The still air of the living
    room. The attic. Everywhere entirely unfurnished and
    doomed to remain largely so, save for our own meager
    offerings: a cheap sofa, an old mattress, a couple of chairs
    and some ashtrays. Maybe a table salvaged from some diner
    gone into bankruptcy, I don't remember. Neither do you.
    We drank store-brand gin with fresh lime juice out of plastic
    cups or straight from the bottle and we spread ourselves out
    face-up on the wooden floors. An aerial view of us might
    have suggested that we'd been knocked out, but what we were
    doing was staking our claim. Establishing our territories.
    Making good. Not on the vows we'd made but on the ones
    we'd really meant. You produced a wallet-sized transistor
    radio out of nowhere and you found a sympathetic station:
    somebody was playing Howlin' Wolf. Smokestack lightning.
    O yes, I loved you once. O yes, you loved me more. We entered
    our new house like a virus entering its host. You following
    me, me following you. However you like. The windows were
    high and the walls were thick and sturdy. It was hot as blazes.
    The guts of summer. Always down in the sugar-deep barrel-
    bottom belly of summer itself. Always. In our shared walk
    down to the bottom, which bottom we will surely find if only
    our hearts are brave and our love true enough, we have found
    that it is somehow invariably and quite permanently summer.
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    ISN--such effective, natural alliteration I have not seen in quite some time. Bravo.
    .........................................................................
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    thanks Kwyjibo......

    Groover......I felt quite fond of my fumbling floundering flailing as I wrote them.....and even of my 'kicking down doors' until I remembered the pet shop boys this morning......all in all, I'm not ashamed of my peom......it hit the right note last night when I was so high.......and really, this whole year is leaving me with doubts about my permanent hell......I've come out into the light......I don't know how to explain it, I still have delusions etc, but I'm no longer unhappy.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    ...what joyous relief it is to depart a wretched storm. I've been there, ISN. Always keep this fresh in your mind, and you'll be able always to feel it.....
    .........................................................................
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    leaving hell is better than winning the lottery......leaving that dreary life behind, and coming to a world of smiles and soft phrases......instead of spitting and insults......I'm half-way to heaven.......and the weird thing is, I'm not afraid anymore......isn't that weird?
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    ISN wrote:
    leaving hell is better than winning the lottery......leaving that dreary life behind, and coming to a world of smiles and soft phrases......instead of spitting and insults......I'm half-way to heaven.......and the weird thing is, I'm not afraid anymore......isn't that weird?

    I don't think it's weird at all. I think it's the most natural miracle that can happen to a person.

    A miracle happened to me a little over two years ago. And yep, I remember one of the first thoughts: I'm not afraid anymore!

    To this day I wake up thinking about it, treasuring it. Getting out and living this beautiful life!

    Congrats to you ISN. I had not known it was so bad for you. But I'm thrilled it's better.
    .........................................................................
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    likewise.....I didn't know it was so bad for you......for me.....to have over 20 hospitalisations in so many years and to be psychotic for weeks and months at a time, and all the nightmare that goes along with that day-to-day......was incredibly difficult......ever since I was 17 and I had my first psychotic episode in Malaysia......things have gone downhill.....now I'm 39, and I listen to birdsong in the morning, and open the blinds onto a sunny vista.....I have my little baby's gurgling phrases and the goodwill of these beautiful Australians who are just plain nice.....and friendly.....and I feel like it's nirvana.....I still get bad days, but it's beyond comparison with the last 20 years......I feel like I won fantasy island!!!!!
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    mmmmmmmm...to smile! to be happy! to be beyond irrational fear!

    I am quite happy for you, ISN.

    And it was never so quite bad for me...I was crazy, true, but only for a few years, and only interred for mere months....it was brief but hell nonetheless....i live in the light now....

    I'll be seeing you around the board, happy woman! I must sleep now.
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  • Girl, that made me :D from ear to ear! I am SO happy for you! :) It's always good to hear about good things happening to people. Keep smiling, chicky! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
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