over it

pacifier

For years I cried for life gone by
what you did can't be denied
now i feel nothing at all
hardly believe my own memories
but, today, your face I saw
and I don't want to feel like this (no more)
if it was once
if it was just me
than I could fogive (I think)
but what I don't know is what still scares me
what are your thoughts? has there been more?
Do you even remember me (I don't mean a thing to you)

I hope I haunt you
like you haunt me
I hope you feel ill
just at the thought of me

you make me sick

2003

That is about a very bad guy, well at least a very bad incedent in my life. For some reason I dreampt about him last night. wish i hadn't...

violet ray

i know the feeling... thanks for putting it into words

Smurfette

great poem...I know exactly what you mean

pacifier

Thank you both, but I wish no one knew (had to know) how it feels.

pacifier

pacifier wrote:

Thank you both, but I wish no one knew (had to know) how it feels.

at christmas time i was at a gathering with this man who 'hurt' me as a child. I was seated and he had to walk past me to get somewhere. His shorts just skimmed my knee (there wasn't much room) and I felt like killing him. how dare his shorts touch my skin. crazy but true.

depopulationINC

not crazy. who wouldnt feel the same?

pacifier

depopulationINC wrote:

not crazy. who wouldnt feel the same?

It's not crazy to want to kill someone because their clothing touched your skin? I should hope that for the sake of our society that that can be considered at least a little bit crazy And like the title says, I'm over it. Took 14 years to get over a small thing (I know many who have been through worse), and most of the time i don't think of it, and when I do there's is next to no feelings attached and next to no memory (cos i don't want to remember), but if i see him, which i occassionally do, it's like all the healing has gone. I can't even look at him because it physically makes me sick. I'm sure others must notice my avoidance of him and wonder why. and i wonder if he even remembers...

depopulationINC

see now, you clearly arent over it, but at least you are dealing with it. But it is human nature to be truly repulsed or furious when somebody you despise is around you, none the less touch you....however inadvertantly

pacifier

depopulationINC wrote:

see now, you clearly arent over it, but at least you are dealing with it. But it is human nature to be truly repulsed or furious when somebody you despise is around you, none the less touch you....however inadvertantly

I'm over everything except being replused by him. I don't think that will ever change. But life has healed the rest.

Just if anyone is reading this who has gone through something they don't want to talk about or are too embarrased to talk about, I highly recommend over coming that and telling the people closest to you. You can let so much of it go just by doing that. Took me many years to find this out.

depopulationINC

advise to live by. Confide in the friends you trust the most. A good friend will always listen.