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Faltered - work in progress

fitzyfitzy Posts: 20
edited September 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I'm sitting here alone,
Disturbed it seems.
Just pacing in this home,
I am screaming.

I know its right
I've been up all night
Just noticing you
Finally noticing you

I just have one thing
(the sweetest dreams you wished for)
There will be time
(all crashing down around here)
Where have you disappeared?
My flame is burning out tonight

You're in my head
I try to hide you.
Descending into bed
I can't escape

It just feels right
I need you through the night
Just following you
Watching over you

I just want one thing
(the sweetest dreams you wished for)
Don't let this time
(all crashing down around here)
Where have you disappeared?
My flame is burning out tonight

I wake each day and feel this guilt
Surrounded by these walls i've built
But i have, i know, my thoughts, my own
Will she know I'm here alone

I just need one thing
(the sweetest dreams you wished for)
This is the time
(all crashing down around here)
Where have you disappeared?
My flame is burning out tonight
My flame is burning out tonight
My flame, it's light once burned so bright
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • carpenter_newtoncarpenter_newton Posts: 71
    Originally posted by fitzy
    I wake each day and feel this guilt
    Surrounded by these walls i've built
    But i have, i know, my thoughts, my own
    Will she know I'm here alone

    i like that part the best.
    i suggest you step out on your porch
    run away my son...see it all...oh see the world
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Ooooh!!! I am diggin' this!! :D

    ~*~*~*~

    and p.s. fitzy is one of my nicknames due to my last name. :p
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • carpenter_newtoncarpenter_newton Posts: 71
    Originally posted by of_the_girl
    and p.s. fitzy is one of my nicknames due to my last name. :p


    i've got a friend whose nickname is "fitz", too.



    which is kinda strange, since his last name is Smith. ;)
    i suggest you step out on your porch
    run away my son...see it all...oh see the world
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Originally posted by carpenter_newton
    i've got a friend whose nickname is "fitz", too.



    which is kinda strange, since his last name is Smith. ;)

    haha! lol :p innnnteresting
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • fitzyfitzy Posts: 20
    Originally posted by of_the_girl
    Ooooh!!! I am diggin' this!! :D


    Really?? wow :) I half wrote this about a year ago, when I was in another place (in my head). But i looked at it for the first time last night, since i wrote it. I did it the first time at 4am after waking up with my head thinking way too much about something. So now I've tried to turn it into a proper song. Thought maybe people could help me out with what i needed to work on :)

    But wanted to post it first without explaining that!

    ps. its the first song I've ever written.
  • fitzyfitzy Posts: 20
    Originally posted by of_the_girl
    haha! lol :p innnnteresting

    well my surname is fitzgerald, so thats where that comes from..
    But "X FITZY X" is my numberplate, and makes for a reasonable uncommon nickname on forums.
    Usually fitzy is taken hehe
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Originally posted by fitzy
    Really?? wow :) I half wrote this about a year ago, when I was in another place (in my head). But i looked at it for the first time last night, since i wrote it. I did it the first time at 4am after waking up with my head thinking way too much about something. So now I've tried to turn it into a proper song. Thought maybe people could help me out with what i needed to work on :)

    But wanted to post it first without explaining that!

    ps. its the first song I've ever written.

    ahehe! well really though... I really like it. It's all raw powerful emotion. personally, i see nothing wrong with it. Now I'm not pro critic or whatever, but I just really enjoyed reading it!! I'm sure other people on here can give you pointers or whatnot. But just know it's not bad! It's very good. :) And I love that it's a song. That's the impression I got when I read it. Lovely. :)
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • fitzyfitzy Posts: 20
    Originally posted by carpenter_newton
    i like that part the best.

    That's the part that's closest to my original ramblings... but I needed more obscurity in my lyrics.. (or so I thought)..
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Originally posted by fitzy
    well my surname is fitzgerald, so thats where that comes from..
    But "X FITZY X" is my numberplate, and makes for a reasonable uncommon nickname on forums.
    Usually fitzy is taken hehe

    my surname is Fitzsimons, so yeah. :p I know how the "fitz" thing goes! but that's cool that it's on your licence plate (is that what you mean by numberplate?) :)
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • fitzyfitzy Posts: 20
    Originally posted by of_the_girl
    my surname is Fitzsimons, so yeah. :p I know how the "fitz" thing goes! but that's cool that it's on your licence plate (is that what you mean by numberplate?) :)

    I knew I wouldn't have to explain it to you, I was just letting you know what kind of "fitz" I was ;)

    Yeah license plate for everyone not from here... hmm that's almost everyone hehe
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Originally posted by fitzy
    I knew I wouldn't have to explain it to you, I was just letting you know what kind of "fitz" I was ;)

    Yeah license plate for everyone not from here... hmm that's almost everyone hehe
    oh okay that makes more sense now that I know what a numberplate is! hey everybody! i know some new lingo! :p


    (i'm a dork)
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    The voice is clear, direct and uncluttered. I read it out loud and can feel its musicality in the words.

    Thanks. :)
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    The voice is clear, direct and uncluttered. I read it out loud and can feel its musicality in the words.

    Thanks. :)

    ^knows his shtuff :D
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • fitzyfitzy Posts: 20
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    The voice is clear, direct and uncluttered. I read it out loud and can feel its musicality in the words.

    Thanks. :)

    Thanks yourself! :)
  • fitzyfitzy Posts: 20
    any cool night timers have anything to offer?
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I offer all the peace that passeth all understanding, and with this I bid everybody goodnight and farewell. :)
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