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HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
edited June 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
i pretend to enjoy
but im sick of enjoying your life
i want to enjoy my life before i fall apart into pieces
so i wont end up like you
the love i gave got nothing in return

i sit at the desk knowing what i will do today, what i do everyday
nothing new to seek and love
just set the fire into the trap of my life
how do i escape the prison i created
dont try, cant escape the bars of jail in my mind
2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
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  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    searching the maze in my mind for a way out
    many traps i have set out but niether can i find them
    these curving walls lead to nowhere and darkness surrounds me while i go insane

    while i had you in my world there was no maze, just a white page ment to be drawn with our lives
    now im lost and i have no guide to help me
    maybe this flame will suit me while i am here
    but how can i trust this flame to bring me to the place i want to be

    if i had the power, this wind i feel shall become a hurricane and wipe out all these walls so i wont be dazed and confused

    but i cant play God, all i can do is ask for guidance to leave this confusing place
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    it's not possible for you to know me
    while i change my life for the best
    i dont even know myself while being in the trap
    the trap of life
    its a learning process but i wish i would have never had a lesson on it
    all the emotions and feelings that i experienced that effected my health and loneliness

    this wind from the waters shall blow me out of the trap the flame has caused
    should i trust the wind?
    last time i trusted anything i got backstabbed and suicide was the answer

    (dont take the suicide thing serious im not like that...it just fit the song)
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    hey i just realized...that all these songs are like a story

    haha its funny, i wasnt trying to do that

    maybe this can be like once>footsteps>alive hahaha
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    I was really moved by your work. I am compelled to respond, and I don't want to rain on your parade with something I wrote, but I can't think of the exact words that this work envoked in me other than with something I wrote.

    Confession

    I see you when I
    close my eyes
    and search
    the dark walls of
    my room.

    Though I feel
    a presence,
    I walk ignoring
    the taunting
    hazy silhouettes
    and inhale the
    dusty air, and
    my skin burns.

    My hand moves forward
    to grip the night
    and sometimes it glides
    across one
    of your four walls
    sometimes it reaches out
    through an open window
    through a doorway
    or it may bang on your door.

    I feel fingertips
    when I walk
    when I stand
    grazing my back,
    caressing between
    my legs,
    and soft lips
    upon my earlobes.

    And I speak
    praising doorknobs
    and windows,
    scolding corners.

    But I can lie down safely
    in the dark.
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    Originally posted by robertthecat
    I was really moved by your work. I am compelled to respond, and I don't want to rain on your parade with something I wrote, but I can't think of the exact words that this work envoked in me other than with something I wrote.


    thanks...i havent wrote since my guitar got taken away and i got it back a few weeks ago and i started writing again in the beginning of this week

    after writing the first one i was like...did i just do that? whoa!!

    haha

    and your poem was good indeed :)
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Thanks to you. It would be nice to hear the music for these songs. Are these slow or fast songs? I don't know a damn about music and I don't know if this is something you decide on while strumming on a guitar accoustic or electric. Anyway, I'm just curious.

    It just seems that if any of the songs were fast, you would capture the mania and if they were slow you would capture more the sorrow. Like I said, I don't know what I'm talking about.
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    Originally posted by robertthecat
    Thanks to you. It would be nice to hear the music for these songs. Are these slow or fast songs? I don't know a damn about music and I don't know if this is something you decide on while strumming on a guitar accoustic or electric. Anyway, I'm just curious.

    It just seems that if any of the songs were fast, you would capture the mania and if they were slow you would capture more the sorrow. Like I said, I don't know what I'm talking about.

    haha...no i dont know yet...i just wrote them...its wierd i seem to write better when i click New Thread and have all the black and brown around me

    i have to come up with riffs on the guitar to these songs...and maybe make up a corus
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    That's neat, I never knew songs worked that way. You know one of the many things I really like about your songs, is that they remind me of the kind of music that W.E.B. DuBois in his book "Souls of Black Folk" (one of my favorite books of all time) calls the veil of existence, which he describes as the ability to speak about the unspeakable in manner that is pleasing to the masses.

    And in the spirit of the "veil" was born music in which the rhythmn simply gave into these unspeakable words, with every beat--among them, the existence of happiness in a tortured soul, the expression of ecstasy, and as in your work the suffocating link of an intense, almost unbreakable bond. Nowadays, there's too much music that succombs to a style--folk, rock, R&B, punk, etc. And to get to the point, I guess that's what sparked my interest in your tune.

    I'm sure you don't think of all this when you're writing your music. All things are just born and revisted, kind of like how I create my fiction, which comes so much easier to me than poetry.

    Anyway, I write too much. Thanks for sharing your wonderful work and good luck.
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    Originally posted by robertthecat
    That's neat, I never knew songs worked that way. You know one of the many things I really like about your songs, is that they remind me of the kind of music that W.E.B. DuBois in his book "Souls of Black Folk" (one of my favorite books of all time) calls the veil of existence, which he describes as the ability to speak about the unspeakable in manner that is pleasing to the masses.

    And in the spirit of the "veil" was born music in which the rhythmn simply gave into these unspeakable words, with every beat--among them, the existence of happiness in a tortured soul, the expression of ecstasy, and as in your work the suffocating link of an intense, almost unbreakable bond. Nowadays, there's too much music that succombs to a style--folk, rock, R&B, punk, etc. And to get to the point, I guess that's what sparked my interest in your tune.

    I'm sure you don't think of all this when you're writing your music. All things are just born and revisted, kind of like how I create my fiction, which comes so much easier to me than poetry.

    Anyway, I write too much. Thanks for sharing your wonderful work and good luck.

    i guess i am a god...LOL

    i still have to write an ending...but you know i dont want to try to make an ending because i made those 3 without trying to make a story
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • rarghrargh-brownstarrarghrargh-brownstar Posts: 1,272
    **sigh**
    stbl!!! u are soo deep
    u ARE a bright little spark
    im soo proud of u stbl :D


    keep it up
    gahhhhhh what else do i write? :(


    love ya
    Rarghstarfarian.
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    I think that writing an ending is a novel concept. Either way, I think your songs are gold. If you are unsure about this, you always have the option to write an ending to satisfy your curiosity then toss it out if it doesn't work. Other things to consider are tying the songs through other means, using titles or musical movements within an album, was it Pink Flyod that did that?

    P.S. God, on your free time from writing music and daily blessings of world peace, please note that I really am in need of a new pair of shoes.

    God, one more thing, when you break the news to Ronald Regan about the truth of his trickle down economics, be easy, it's only his second or third-day up there. Especially when you get to the part of your presentation on Ken Leigh. Perhaps it's best you make Ken a happy-face stick figure to keep things light.

    Also, please don't smite me for bad tasting jokes. Since I am 90% nerd, my humor may be my only saving grace socially.

    Oh, and thanks for your time. Did I mention that you're cool?
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    thanks stbl i love you

    haha 90% nerd thats a good one...and thanks i know i am super cool :D LOL

    i really need to like find riffs on the guitar for these songs but my amp broke last night :( so i gotta get a new one...but until then i have my acoustic :)

    im also thinking about adding coruses to the songs...and im going to try to make an ending during 1st period instead of sleeping 1st period...haha
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    All of this admission of devine grace and still no mention of the shoes I ask for??? Ah well, I guess I haven't prayed enough this year.

    Sorry to hear about your amp. But it's good to hear you are moving forward with the songs regardless. All the things you've mentioned sound great! I'm actually excited for you! It's just great to hear someone persue their loves with such energy! This NERD gives an A++++++ to you!!!!!

    Anyway, here's one from me to you about good times shared.

    When You Smile

    This earth is endless,
    And glowing. Teeming with life
    This massive ball, so small and active continues forever.

    This world is freshened by soft winds that rustle across
    Golden grain fields and enlivens the early crocuses peering
    Through the thin blanket of winter’s end.

    This land outlined by jagged cliffs and peaks
    That touch the soft cloud bellows, gives way to the
    Dancing ocean, and sits rejuvenated in silent mists.

    This place is where life blooms in greens, and blues,
    In yellows, reds, browns and pinks, and soft hands that
    Wrap around welcoming fingers.

    This moment plays onward and onward, as autumn leaves
    Feed the hungry winter soil, and springs anew in springtime,
    Relaxes within the summer warmth, then transforms again into winter’s sustenance

    This thought of yours, wide and expanding
    Bridges deep gaps between desert ridges, and leaves a path to the endless rolling plains
    Where space and closeness, past and future, have no meaning.

    How wonderful it is.

    P.S. So, you're both cool and god? You're quite funny.
    "Breathing in I know I am alive. Breathing out I smile to life." --That Natch Hahn
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    thanks a lot!!! you are very generous

    yes God is cool...LOL

    about those shoes...i need shoes too, lol
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Okay, I'm starting to question my faith in you. Shouldn't you know the best shoe salesman around? All you need to do is stir up a little havoc and in your most ominpotent voice say to that person, "I require two pairs of shoes to appease me. They must good shoes. Let it be known that Payless stands for Faithless."

    Anyway, good luck.
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    Originally posted by robertthecat
    Okay, I'm starting to question my faith in you. Shouldn't you know the best shoe salesman around? All you need to do is stir up a little havoc and in your most ominpotent voice say to that person, "I require two pairs of shoes to appease me. They must good shoes. Let it be known that Payless stands for Faithless."

    Anyway, good luck.

    haha i just bought VANS shoes online... :D
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Oooh! It's a cruel world. That's alright G. I set myself up-- two pink shag slippers from the reject pile at Wal-Mart. Good thing tomorrow is casual day at work. I have a pink outfit that will go nicely.

    By the way, as of three minutes ago, I turned Bhuddist, God is of no consequence. Sorry to burst your bubble.
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    the re-incarnation of my soul is done
    i have changed...i guess the wind is my only friend
    there’s no more running into the arms of happiness when sadness has arisen
    for the new form of happiness when sad has become nothing but the truth

    in the days of mist i used the flame
    after the doubtfulness of the flame i came to the wind
    the wind blew me out of my sorrow

    i am a new being
    i will become the heart and soul of a guitar
    a guitar of hope
    a guitar of leisure
    a guitar that will suite the player

    ____________________________________________________

    ah that was the ending i came up during science class today...remember that science class is first period at 8AM

    i personally dont like it as much as i like the other ones but it gets the point out
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    That's very good. Keep writing.
  • john girljohn girl Posts: 308
    be that heart and soul of it!
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    slugger sweetie you've got a gift. :) *hugs*
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Hey, sorry I left such a short reply, last time. But I really wanted to take some time to take a good look at your work. This seems really appropriate for the first song, since the other two relate more to relational ties rather than a personal block, which is addressed in your first song. If you add this to the first song, the song seems to become more of a song about transformation and music which is very cool.

    I recently got a second and third job, so my visits to this site will come less often, at least for awhile. I don't know if you're old enough to remember the Jamaican family from In-Living Color. "You lazy bum, you got three job, man. I got I five job. You go to work, man."

    Anyway, please keep up the good work, feel free to send me more notifications of your stuff. I'll be happy to look at it. For now, I will leave you with another piece from me about histories:

    Reverie

    Here I come, through entangled roots,
    a quite rustle that teases the grass,
    through the sweet lavender arousing you

    I, among the pitter-patter of rain after
    the snow is gone, breathe.

    I, between the mist, the air, and the
    earth speak to you. And you listen.

    I no longer wait behind the roughness
    of bark, within the silky flower petal,
    nor the cracks of a rock, but rush
    forward toward you.

    We will meet, I will come at dusk, in
    your room, dance among the sweet
    kitchen spices, whisper to you through pictures.

    I will break the rock that divides us,
    dance in your slumber, speak words
    with the wind. Breathe it in.

    --The End
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    Originally posted by HailHailVitalogy


    i am a new being
    i will become the heart and soul of a guitar
    a guitar of hope
    a guitar of leisure
    a guitar that will suite the player

    ____________________________________________________


    THAT WILL BE THE CORUS OF THE FIRST SONG!!!!! WORD!
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    i pretend to enjoy
    but im sick of enjoying your life
    i want to enjoy my life before i fall apart into pieces
    so i wont end up like you
    the love i gave got nothing in return

    i will be a new being
    i will become the heart and soul of a guitar
    a guitar of hope
    a guitar of leisure
    a guitar that will suite the player

    i sit at the desk knowing what i will do today, what i do everyday
    nothing new to seek and love
    just set the fire into the trap of my life
    how do i escape the prison i created
    dont try, cant escape the bars of jail in my mind

    i will be a new being
    i will become the heart and soul of a guitar
    a guitar of hope
    a guitar of leisure
    a guitar that will suite the player
    _________________________________________

    thats the first song and then like for the last song instead of


    i will be a new being
    i will become the heart and soul of a guitar
    a guitar of hope
    a guitar of leisure
    a guitar that will suite the player

    it will be

    i am a new being
    i am the heart and soul of a guitar
    the guitar of faith
    the guitar of wisdome
    the guitar that jimmy paige plays

    DAMN IM SMART!
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • ForeverAJammerForeverAJammer Posts: 116
    wow thanks...ure an awesome writer




    the first one hit me hard



    thanks again..
    i miss you already...


  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    Originally posted by ForeverAJammer
    wow thanks...ure an awesome writer




    the first one hit me hard



    thanks again..

    thanks...

    i cant believe this...i havent wrote since my band split up (last year) and i just wrote a few weeks ago and people like it...its amazing

    :D
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Hey, I got your e-mail. Your song is amazing! It really flows well. You rock!

    One quick question on your last song, since you will be using the following as a chorus:

    i am a new being
    i am the heart and soul of a guitar
    the guitar of faith
    the guitar of wisdome
    the guitar that jimmy paige plays

    It leaves the following statement unanswered:

    last time i trusted anything i got backstabbed and suicide was the answer

    Just on face value, this is my opinion, if you put the two pieces together the chorus is presented like suicidal reverie. To me, it doesn't seem like you wanted to follow a bleak path with your song. Instead, to me, the chorus is more about the power of transformation, breaking walls, pursuit of passions, the ability to feel free, etc., etc. If you really want to keep the line about suicide as a possibility that was presented but not followed, perhaps you can rework the line to re-emphasize how this suicidal thought was overcome through this transformation--as described in your chorus. Anyway just my two cents, take or leave it as you wish. You are very talented.

    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
    elephino
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,198
    Originally posted by robertthecat
    Hey, I got your e-mail. Your song is amazing! It really flows well. You rock!

    One quick question on your last song, since you will be using the following as a chorus:

    i am a new being
    i am the heart and soul of a guitar
    the guitar of faith
    the guitar of wisdome
    the guitar that jimmy paige plays

    It leaves the following statement unanswered:

    last time i trusted anything i got backstabbed and suicide was the answer

    Just on face value, this is my opinion, if you put the two pieces together the chorus is presented like suicidal reverie. To me, it doesn't seem like you wanted to follow a bleak path with your song. Instead, to me, the chorus is more about the power of transformation, breaking walls, pursuit of passions, the ability to feel free, etc., etc. If you really want to keep the line about suicide as a possibility that was presented but not followed, perhaps you can rework the line to re-emphasize how this suicidal thought was overcome through this transformation--as described in your chorus. Anyway just my two cents, take or leave it as you wish. You are very talented.

    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
    elephino

    well...the suicide thing was not the last song...thats the 3rd song...im talking about the very last song, the ending i wrote a few nights ago
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • rarghrargh-brownstarrarghrargh-brownstar Posts: 1,272
    Originally posted by HailHailVitalogy
    i pretend to enjoy
    but im sick of enjoying your life
    i want to enjoy my life before i fall apart into pieces
    so i wont end up like you
    the love i gave got nothing in return

    i will be a new being
    i will become the heart and soul of a guitar
    a guitar of hope
    a guitar of leisure
    a guitar that will suite the player

    i sit at the desk knowing what i will do today, what i do everyday
    nothing new to seek and love
    just set the fire into the trap of my life
    how do i escape the prison i created
    dont try, cant escape the bars of jail in my mind

    i will be a new being
    i will become the heart and soul of a guitar
    a guitar of hope
    a guitar of leisure
    a guitar that will suite the player
    _________________________________________

    thats the first song and then like for the last song instead of


    i will be a new being
    i will become the heart and soul of a guitar
    a guitar of hope
    a guitar of leisure
    a guitar that will suite the player

    it will be

    i am a new being
    i am the heart and soul of a guitar
    the guitar of faith
    the guitar of wisdome
    the guitar that jimmy paige plays

    DAMN IM SMART!
    wow
    stbl
    i knew u had this side to u
    but never really saw it
    u have a way with words
    so touching,emotional, and deep
    wow
    Rarghstarfarian.
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    OH, okay, In that case I love it!
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