I dont no how this will go, never writen poetry before

dan_vedder

I had to write a poem for my english class and i just finished. Warning! It sucks!!! This is my first shot at poetry. If anyone can give me any helpful tips or write a better poem for me go right ahead.

Beautiful Black

The man made monster
Towers higher than the clouds
Beautiful black
Oozes out of its mouth
Advances on fur and fins
Intruding their home
A baby cries
Tries to fly through the black
And just as she is about to break free
She is pulled down and eaten
But we must think
That it’s all worth it.

---

Can anyone guess what its about??

Thanks alot,

Dan

depopulationINC

dan_vedder wrote:

I had to write a poem for my english class and i just finished. Warning! It sucks!!! This is my first shot at poetry. If anyone can give me any helpful tips or write a better poem for me go right ahead.

Beautiful Black

The man made monster
Towers higher than the clouds
Beautiful black
Oozes out of its mouth
Advances on fur and fins
Intruding their home
A baby cries
Tries to fly through the black
And just as she is about to break free
She is pulled down and eaten
But we must think
That it’s all worth it.

---

Can anyone guess what its about??

Thanks alot,

Dan

a tornado?

Ms. Haiku

This is interesting. That is the first hurdle to cross in writing a good poem in my opinion.

Now, as far as helpful tips, the poem jumps more than flows from image to image. Poems should flow because then the quirky image or the out-of-place word may have a greater impact, and it just makes sense to flow, you know. Maybe some words to connect the images whether they are time words or place words may help.

Congratulations on your first poem!

Holey Ghost

Good first crack at it and welcome to the world or petry that transends all the languages and deals with thoughts, feelings, images and ideas as conveyed with words. They can speak loudly or softly and if they flow from the heart without much thinking then they will have a natural flow. Words are very powerful indeed, and have a message to seed and possibly feed others, or simpy fulfill our own needs and desires to express ourselves, or to simply to vent to the outside world, and here, getting valuable feedback to further enhance our own message, reply to it, or simply acknowledge it.