In need of feedback for a song I wrote

C3

Hey everybody,

I'm a musician in Toronto and just need some feedback on a new song, it's up on my facebook and myspace page
http://www.facebook.com/pages/RedLine/9528516839?ref=share

or

http://www.myspace.com/redlinecanada

here are the lyrics, I'd love to hear some feedback.

thanks,
Steve.

Fast & Slow (Fuckin' Cold Day)

three stand in line
all three could be mine
but I leave without saying goodbye

pack a small bag
‘cause I know I’ll be back
but to them it’s no matter of fact

retie my shoes
one more minute to choose
I really do love the ego boost

dreamin one day
I’ll believe what I say
though that day seems to get farther away

and the days go fast and then slow
fast and then slow
like a drummer may
and my heart is tryin to work in the snow
buried in snow
on a fuckin cold day

I don’t talk to jesus
so rare that it pleases
even he can’t make a whole from the pieces

walk in a zig-zag
no u-turns, no way back
need a queen but I’m just a jack

and the days go fast and then slow
fast and then slow
don’t you ever say nay
and my heart is tryin melt through the snow
melting the snow
but it’s a fuckin cold day

I love your face but I hate the conversation
summer only comes in its rotation
your timing couldn’t be worse

the wolf

as a fellow songwriter, i say TITS!! (which is good )

post more soon.

the wolf

BTW, i forgot to mention i listened to the song " i love you" and to me, it has a real cool early Velvet Underground vibe going on that i really like.

late,

-steve

C3

thanks guys, ya my buddy wrote that song I Love You. I think it's a great lullaby type song and never thought about the Velvet Underground but I think you're totally right now that you mention it. Kinda like Pale Blue Eyes.

cheers,
thanks for listening

have you got any tunes up Wolf?

the wolf

***C3*** wrote:

thanks guys, ya my buddy wrote that song I Love You. I think it's a great lullaby type song and never thought about the Velvet Underground but I think you're totally right now that you mention it. Kinda like Pale Blue Eyes.

cheers,
thanks for listening

have you got any tunes up Wolf?

not at the moment i should soon, im working on a record right now, with random friends playing on songs but with so many different people playing on it, its taking freaking forever to finish lol