thoughts on some lyrics?
Mr Pyjama
Posts: 253
okay, i have two verses for a song, comments are more than welcome..
While I was lost in my thought, a wise man he did approach,
No sleight of hand, or trick up his sleeve- no strings attached,
He said "I’ll foresee your fate," I said "well before the hours late"
And he promised me the world, But just showed me yesterday...
He told me: well it all just repeats like a 1950’s movie,
We all rush along, sing along in black or white voice,
And the shades of grey resemble the problems today,
So let’s paint the world in colour and give the man another choice
And I sat there confused, with my head lost in the stars,
Where the man of whom I knew no name shared the secrets of the world,
I said “you’re lying my friend,” he said “you just don’t like what I say”
He promised me the world, but just smiled and walked away…
He told me: it all gets divided into a sum where the answer
Is to segregate, discriminate, and find the square root-
Of the problem which arose due to fear to oppose,
And yes, your path it may be lonely- but it’s only made for you
While I was lost in my thought, a wise man he did approach,
No sleight of hand, or trick up his sleeve- no strings attached,
He said "I’ll foresee your fate," I said "well before the hours late"
And he promised me the world, But just showed me yesterday...
He told me: well it all just repeats like a 1950’s movie,
We all rush along, sing along in black or white voice,
And the shades of grey resemble the problems today,
So let’s paint the world in colour and give the man another choice
And I sat there confused, with my head lost in the stars,
Where the man of whom I knew no name shared the secrets of the world,
I said “you’re lying my friend,” he said “you just don’t like what I say”
He promised me the world, but just smiled and walked away…
He told me: it all gets divided into a sum where the answer
Is to segregate, discriminate, and find the square root-
Of the problem which arose due to fear to oppose,
And yes, your path it may be lonely- but it’s only made for you
Situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later...
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
Rock on
Thanks for your opinion, but it acually works as a song, it is a fast groove driven jazzy sort of song, so the mass of words actually works for it. If you've heard Paper Bag by Fiona Apple, then that is the sort of style of the verse.
Then ROCK ON
You don't need our approval
haha, thank you for you encouragement, sir
De nada,
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright"
Now, just got to get a few more verses and it'll be a song! Is it a rocker or an acousticy type song you're going for?
I especially liked the part where you told the man he's lying and he said you just didn't like what he said---that's great because it's often true when you want to believe the lie you deny and turn your back on truth. Shaping up to be a good song, my friend!
hehehe *sings you a song*
Erm, it's an acoustic type song, with a jazzy touch, if you've heard fiona apple Paper bag, then that is the verse sound i'm going for
Thanks a lot Mr. Jeff Buckley fan
I think i need a chorus part to go after both those verses, then possibly a third verse as well. When i put more lyrics, i might edit them into this thread, in case you're interested. Thanks for the feedback