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Surrendering

robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
edited June 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I’ve decided to lie down
Quietly on this soft patch of
Grass and allow the aged summer leaves to
Fall on me
And for a time, I
Shall be a memory of
Blossomed dreams
Once airborne and free

Their final resting place shall be above mine
A pile of showered sunshine hues
Left for them
To melt into scented mulch
Calling worms to tunnel through the cracks
Of my spirit.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • windedsailorwindedsailor Posts: 98
    i can dig it.
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Thanks!
    Originally posted by windedsailor
    i believe god would have me believe in myself.

    Cool signature. You know what, I bet you god would. And that's a good thing.
  • Lithium_BarbiedollLithium_Barbiedoll Posts: 84
    i don't even know what to say about this. my silence is all that i have to say, and the picture your piece has painted is what i am seeing. nice end to my nite.
    There's a fear they'll soon be parting ways.
  • cltaylor12cltaylor12 Posts: 125
    Reminds me of two songs
    "Summertime Rolls" (Jane's Addiction)
    "Surrender" (U2)

    ~appreciates post~

    c-
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    I like this one.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    well done
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Thanks for your replies. Actually, I don't really like the ending of this poem. I actually wanted it to reflect a total surrender, back into nature, a completion of a circle of all things. Sort of like what's mentioned in the Heart Sutra, which is a Bhuddist doctrine that describes the interconnectivity of all things: people, a daffodil, the birds, the air, space and atoms.

    "We are all made of stardust..."
    --All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

    Right now, it reads like a surrender into apathy. I guess I would like it to be more empowering, showing more of my personal surrender into interconnectivity with the earth, nature, with life.

    Any ideas? Help!
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Originally posted by justam
    I like this one.
    __________________
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    All this hope and no where to go
    this is how I used to feel--but no more

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    I like hope too! How did you get the hearts and clovers to appear?
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    I'm thinking of Osiris and regeneration myths, and that line from Eliot's "The Burial of the Dead", about dull roots coming from spring rain. Yes, I think the speaker needs to consider the possibility of renewal and cyclicality of life.
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    Originally posted by robertthecat
    I like hope too! How did you get the hearts and clovers to appear?

    I'll put them both in this post and if you quote it, you'll be able to look at it. :)

    I'll put in some color too!

    ♥ ♥ ♥

    ♠ ♠ ♠

    (I'm glad you like hope.)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Originally posted by justam
    I'll put them both in this post and if you quote it, you'll be able to look at it. :)

    I'll put in some color too!

    ♥ ♥ ♥

    ♠ ♠ ♠

    (I'm glad you like hope.)

    ♥ ♥ ♥COOL!!!!♥ ♥ ♥
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    I'm thinking of Osiris and regeneration myths, and that line from Eliot's "The Burial of the Dead", about dull roots coming from spring rain. Yes, I think the speaker needs to consider the possibility of renewal and cyclicality of life.

    Thanks! I'll look into this stuff.
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